>>>tHiS iS mE<<<

juZ FoR yOu~!!

2004-11-20T13:56:00.000-08:00

to my dearest prince fauzan,
i love u more den anything else in this world. i really appreciate all the stuffs dat u are doing juz for me... or shud i say for us... thanks for sending me home, thanks for spending tyme with me, thanks for putting up with my crap, thanks for changing, thanks for treating me lyke a princess, thanks for all the tymes u tried to gimme anything i wanted and last but not least... thanks for loving me... Sweets, wen u gave me ur love, u juz gave me a reason to live and brought a whole new meaning to my life. baby u... makes it all worthwhile. u filled my world with lotsa joy, laughter, love and smiles. yes there are tymes wen things wud go awfully wrong. im glad u didnt give up on us. thanks for dat too. thanks for giving me a chance to learn from my mistakes. honey, u taught me wat love is all about. i will neva trade our love for anything else in this world. im glad we're happy togeda. u're my dream come true. i treasure each and every moment dat i spent with you. u complete me. and dearie... u bring out the best in me lyke no1 else can do. hence, i believe dat u're the best boyfriend any gurl could ever get! im so blissed dat u're mine! u're my angel, FauZan... im giving u all of me baby... i Love you. i ReaLLy do.

iTs mE~!!

2004-11-20T12:48:00.000-08:00

eh people~!! me miss ya'll! hahakz. so long neva update kan? ya'll got miss me tak? [betta say yes! haha.] aniwae, slamat hari raye. sorry if i ever did or said anything dat hurt ur feelings. sorry tau... well.. im seldom online these days.. guess im not dat addicted to the comp anymore. hahakz. i dun really spend most of my tyme home anyway. been werking. and of course, spending tyme wit my baby; fauzan. hehez. juz wanna say dat u make me really happy fauzan... my life wud be dull without u in it. me love ya loads. u're the onlie one for me. *wynkz* aniwae, i bet im gonna fail my o levels again. bluek. lyke dat die la sia... haiz. eh ya'll! me cannot wait to go jalan raye la... so long kan! haha. hafta wait till 24th... which is kynn's bdae... kynn! me give u kuih tart as ur bdae prezzie can?? haha. prezzie gak pe.. haha. aniwae, i aint sure who is coming along seh... can u guys lyke fill me in? tsk tsk. btw, we all jalan raye for 3 days can? got 3 baju wat... hahaha! madness. me so long neva blog so i dun really noe wat to say. hmm... *no idea* me so tired seh... not enuff sleep... *yawn* im so gonna rest at home todae. den i hafta werk tml. urgh. its sucha drag. sooooo lazy tau... but id rather werk den stay home and rot i guess. haha. had enuff of having nothing to do. bluek. haiz. me got no money seh. boo hoo. must go collection already! hahakz. ehh... i got nothing to write uh sia... guess dats all for now. wheeeee! love ya'll. muaks!

So HaPpY TogEda~!!

2004-11-02T11:53:00.000-08:00

mE aNd Ma Boo~!!

aww... so sweet kan?

2004-11-02T11:52:00.000-08:00

Muaks~!!

urmz...

2004-10-19T18:04:00.000-07:00

i love u fauzan. all i want for my bdae is... you. i miss ya lots. haiz. hope u'll come back. *sobz*

oMg~!! sO LonG nEva uPdaTE!!!

2004-10-13T00:52:00.000-07:00

hey there. its been almost a month since i blogged. been pretty bz lately. guess my addiction to the comp is kinda gone. oh well, wat have i been up to lately? urm... was werking at John LiTtLE(JL) at parkway. it was a great experience uh. had fun. made quite alot of cash which i have already spent. went on a shopping spree. gosh. it was fooking fun! so hmm... now im werking at famous amos. at parkway too. fauzan's werking there too. i guess dats the main reason why IM werking there too. hahakz. so yeah, im still oh-so-in love wit fauzan. been spending quite a lot of tyme wit him. i truly treasure those moments. but its kinda hard to believe him when he says dat he loves me. my head wud be lyke saying no leenee. dun believe him. and my heart wud go "aww... dats so awesome. he finally loves me too." geez. i dunnoe. he told aisyah quite some stuffs. which are so friggin sweet. baby, baby, baby! wateva it is, i LuRve yOu sO MucH! hmm... so wateva happened to azhar?! we kinda ended things. i was kinda sad abt it at first. coz he was so nyce to me and he is still nyce to me. i do miss him at tymes. he called me on the 4th of oct. i was outside wit this guy called fitri. so cudnt talk much wit azhar. but i was so glad he called. at least he still remembers me. haha. wonder wat he's doing now... oh well, forget it. actually so much have happened since i last blogged. but its juz too much to take note of. btw, i hate aziza. oh yes i do. u're the blarddy bitch. why cant u juz die and rot in hell or something?! sucha mother fucking nuisance. urgh. [ya'll dun ask me why i suddenly wrote dat.] oh man, im werking tml. and fauzan's werking at tiong bahru. poor baby. kena send jauh2. hahakz. aniwae, i wud lyke to say thanks fauzan. for spending tyme wit me lately. till kena scold from parents coz always go out and come back late. sorry baby. really appreciate all the lil things u're doing for me. or shud i say for 'us'? hehez. i love u. i love u. i love u. thanks for msging me. thanks for agreeing to go out wit aisyah and zali. thanks for loving me. god answered my prayers the day u said u love me too. gosh. i wished u're awake ryte now. but u went to sleep already. bummer. wake up! wake up! keep me company. im bored. haha. nah... i noe u need ur 'beauty' sleep. haiz. now i wish i was lying next to u. juz watching u sleep. u're so cute la fauzan. cannot tahan. hahakz. alamak. asyik2 fauzan je. but heck uh. this is my blog. so if its gonna be full of fauzan, fauzan and more fauzan, den so be it. haha. ya'll! my bdae coming... anyone want to gimme prezzie? gimee kiss also can... but onlie guys can do dat uh. haha. lini2... still flirtatious as eva. haha. kidding onlie. i onlie accept prezzies! so quick ya'll. save money. buy me prezzie. haha. k la. its 115 in the morn. no wonder so crappy. so thanks to anyone who's reading this. u juz read a whole load of crap. haha. ayte den. anything juz msg me uh. peace out.

[FauZaN u'Re thE oNe... yOu caN maKe mE wHoLe aGaiN... i LuRvE yOu SaYaNg! *huggies*]

here i go scream my lungs out and try to get to u~!!

2004-09-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

hola peeps! this is gonna be a short one coz im kinda late. gonna go tamp and chill. oh well, i havent even bathe. hahakz. wat shall i say? hmm... its difficult to update since im in a rush. niwae, i love fauzan alot~!! kinda missing him since he's so bz with his school projects and stuffs. boo hoo. den no tyme for me. so the sad. hahakz. err... guess wat?! azhar msged me yesterday. he juz got back his hp. niwae, i met up with him last nyte. and i told him abt me and najib. and he got real upset. sigh. now i feel so bad. he stopped talking. and he kept saying dat it was onlie a week since he didnt contact me and i got myself attached. hiya! make me so guilty. crap man. and den he msged me after dat saying dat its not abt forgiving and forgetting. dat he's disturbed. den he say next tyme tell him in advance. alamak. is there going to be a next tyme? i think so. coz i soooooooo wanna be with fauzan. sheesh. dats lyke so obvious. i juz want fauzan and no other fella. den why is it i find myself telling azhar dat i do lyke him too. oh leenee. make up ur mind. and stick to one. fauzan or azhar. its been fauzan ryte from the start. sigh. now how do i go about telling azhar dat.... darn.

[BabE yOu, LeavE mE cOnFuSeD. duNnoe iF i shuD LeT yOu NoE oR waiT iT ouT bOy, wiSh i knEw juZ waT tO dO, iM sO ConFuSeD.]

phew. im finally updating.

2004-09-09T12:41:00.000-07:00

okie dokie. so much have happened lately. so lets begin. i was werking lately. for 5 days. at expo. got giant sale. so yeah. i was a part tyme cashier. sometymes its fun. sometymes its not. bluek. oh well, here's the full update.

ThuRsDay, 2nd sEpTemBeR 2004

i had the job training. cant really recall much abt it. besides the fact that i was pretty late. hahakz. so aniwae, i had plans with najib after dat. supposed to meet him at 330 at tamp small mac. but since my job training ended at 2, me, fateha and aisyah went to eat at kampong chai chee first. on the way there, i saw azhar. i was lyke thanking god i wasnt with najib at that tyme. so yeah. i said hi and stuffs. den his bus came, so we said bye. aniwae, the scoop abt azhar is dat i dun think there's anything between us uh. havent been contacting him. so yeah. no more azhar. aniwae, ate at kampong chai chee. waited for kynn and ella to arrive. den i went off to meet najib. alamak. he looked freaking cute. so tall. cant believe he's onlie 15 and he's taller then me. bluek. hahakz. walked around TM. den got nothing to do. so went to watch 'a cinderella story' with him. its sucha beautiful movie. so touchin. and hilary duff's acting in it. i love hilary! hahakz. oh well, held hands with najib and stuffs. dats abt it. went back home feeling kinda good. so yeah. najib msged me at nyte saying something lyke "lini... i love u, i love u and i love u. will u be my gurl?" boy was i shocked! tsk tsk. i didnt see that coming. so i juz didnt reply. thought abt it. shud i or shudnt i?

FriDay, 3Rd SepTeMbEr 2004

didnt go for tuition. tsk tk. missed so many classes. my first day at werk. nervous. nervous. nervous. hahakz. tiring. but ok i guess. got a cute packer called harvin. nice fella. so yeah. made new frens uh. aniwae, during my break tyme. najib smsed me. so yeah. i kinda accepted uh. but i dunnoe. im lyke used to being single. so yeah. kinda didnt feel anything. lyke its nothing. no idea why. i do lyke najib. but... -shrugs- so yesh. on this very day i got attached. guess nothing much happened on this day. cant recall. oh ya. had a shortage of $4. damn.

SaTuRday, 4th SepTeMbEr 2004

second day of werk. it was all werk werk and more werk. still get all nervous and stuffs. najib is pretty sweet. he does make me smile occasionally. hmm... the hbg was supposed to ahve a pit today. damn. i wanted to go after werk. but i tot no1 was gonna be there. werk ended at 11. i paid $10 for the pit ya noe. den neva even go. lyke urgh. nvm uh. skali skale. hahakz. oh well. cant recall anything again. so yeah. had an excess of 5 cents todae. guess werk's ok lah.

SuNday, 5th SepTemBeR 2004

werk again. feelin very exhausted. insufficient rest. been staying up late to sms najib. werk was crap todae. coz i had a shortage of $73. and they're gonna cut it from my pay. blarddy hell. i dun even make much in the first place. urgh. urgh. urgh. dats it! i hate being a cashier!

MoNdaY, 6th SepTemBeR 2004

4th day of werk. morning shift. started at 9. got up late. so yeah. me and aisyah reached at 930. niwae, there wasnt plenty of peeps there. so i was sent to the giant outlet at bedok. under attachment uh. they offered to extend my contract for 2 weeks. i accepted it uh. so yeah. goodbye expo. hello bedok. it was so packed there. goodness. people kept coming in. tsk tsk. tiring sia. went off at 4 plus almost 5. had nowhere to go. so went to meet ella and kynn at penin. they were shopping and stuffs. den headed home uh. but me and ella decided to chill at bedok first. so hang out at mac till abt 10 lyke dat. reached home at 10 plus. and i have werk at 630 the next day. apparently the morning shift at bedok starts dat early. again, im deprived of sleep. bummer.

TuEsDay, 7th SepTeMbEr 2004

i so do not want to werk there for two more weeks. therefore i told my supervisor that todae will be my last day. haha. my last day of werk is ok. met fauzan after dat. since he wanna werk there. so yeah. got him the application form. waited for him to fill it in. den handed it in. den i went to change out of my uniform. was feeling hungry. so i asked zan to go eat uh. den he mentioned fareast. so yeah. headed there. we hug2. hold2 hands. i still love him. [i bet u guys are going "tak abis2 seh deknie ngan fauzan.] and err... he loves me too? well dats wat he claims. oh well, zanzan if u're reading this, juz wanna say dat i'll never forget wat u said to me on this very day. it means alot to me. and the fact is dat i do love u. i noe im attached. but i love u. sigh. now im confused. did u mean wat u said? wen u told me u love me. dats juz too good to be true baby. it juz is. damn. does this counts as cheating on my bf? damn. im guilty.

wEdnEsDay, 8th SepTeMbEr 2004

slept at 130am last nyte. was on the comp. hahakz. so long neva play comp. anyway, woke up at 11. still felt sleepy. ate maggi. den smsed fauzan. coz he needs to go for interview todae at 3. tot mebbe he wants someone to accompany him. so i offered uh. and true enuff he wants me to teman him. he was juz scared to ask. so cute lah he. hahakz. aniwae, supposed to meet him at 3. and as usual, princess leenee was late. and he was lyke nvm, im used to it. basketz. ape maksud kau nie skarang?! hahakz. oh well, went to giant. then they said come back an hour later coz they having a meeting. then we hang out at the library. read books and stuffs. quality tyme. hahakz. i shud be doing all this with najib. but heck lah. aniwae, went back to giant only to discover dat the person was on her break. so had to wait. but for a while onlie. den he went in to talk2 to the person. den the person say they'll call him uh. i hope he gets the job coz he really wants it. im praying for u sweets. hehez. after dat, he sent me home. irresistable. dats fauzan. hahakz. fauzan fauzan, u really make me feel loved. oh ya, one more thing. me and najib broke up. coz he aint ready for a relationship. so yeah. im single again. and i love fauzan. hahakz.

tHuRsDay, 9th SepTeMbEr 2004

why do i love fauzan so much?! coz no1 noes me the way he does. no1 can make me feel so special. no1 can ever replace fauzan. so yeah, we're taking things slow. till his semesteral exam is over in abt a month tyme then we'll get serious. ceh. ntah la eh. fauzan said so. i really hope so uh. im so scared it wont happen. but im gonna give it one more shot. i dun wanna get hurt again. i really dont. and i love u so much fauzan. dat i can never see me with another guy. u're the one for me. i noe it. i juz hope dat im the one for u too. pls dun play with my heart again. pls be true to me. coz i love u and all i ever wanted was for u to love me too...

[i sTiLL canT BeLiEve daT yOu caMe uP tO mE aNd SaiD i LovE yOu... i LovE yOu Too...]

a brief update.

2004-09-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

im attached to najib now. he's juz so cute. and so sweet. he can make me smile juz by smiling. get wat im trying to say? hahakz. i love u najib. yes i do. and im glad we're back togeda again. *missing you*

[i noe this is a very short update and i bet u ppl are going -heh-. but im kinda bz now, so i promise i'll fill u guys in on everything as soon as im free. hahakz. there's so much more i need to say though. but i gtg now. gonna be late for werk. peace.]

2004-09-03T12:59:00.000-07:00

HaRiTh, Me aNd RiFaiE... sTiLL aS cRazEe aS eVeR uH tHeY aLL... HaHakz.

2004-09-03T12:58:00.000-07:00

NajMah aNd uS... so pReTTy Lah NajMaH... *jealous* hahakz.

2004-09-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

mE aNd SuLaiMaN~!! iT waS sO Good To SeE hiM aGaiN~!! HaHakZ~!!

yOu duNnoE mE...

2004-09-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

good morning peeps~!! aniwae, im up early juz to update. semangat. hahakz. well, i called azhar up on monday nyte. his hp kena confiscate by his f&n teacher i think. but aniwae, it was lyke coolness. kinda missed him. so yeah, it was great hearing his voice and stuffs. he was singing and singing. he sounded so awesome. especially when he sang the reason. lyke awww.... dats my all tyme favourite song and he's lettin me hear him sing. with guitar some more. make me juz go "awwww". hehez. yes i lyke him. and if some of u peeps dun lyke dat fact, well too bad. ok next... went back to bedok south sec on tuesday. for the teacher's day thingy. gosh. it was blarddy fun. lyke seeing everyone again. makes me realise how much i took for granted the presence of my frens. total coolness. miss each and every single one of them so friggin much. seeing them again juz brought back the sweet old memories dat will forever remain in my heart. it was great seeing sulaiman, sabreena, maisarah, nufail, syafiqah and all. took a whole load of pics. saw ahmad shah after so long. and omigawd he looked so good! *melts* hahakz. well, i talked to harith and rifaie too. so long neva talk to them. glad to noe dat they are still as crazee as ever. hahakz. and i caught a glimpse of najib. geez. he's still oh-so-cute. *giggles* niwae, sulaiman told me najib owns a hp. so i took down his number. den i smsed him. and since then i have been smsing him. coolness. i miss him seh! but it seems lyke he have changed uh. for the better i think. i mean the way he layan me lah. hahakz. back when we were togeda, we were so immature and stuffs. but now i guess he have grown slightly more matured uh. and... im meeting him todae!!!! cant wait seh. but later i shy2, then he shy2. then keep quiet. lyke last tyme. hahakz. eh korang, ingat tak zaman aku suker najib tu semua?! klakar seh. hahakz. niwae peeps, wish me luck! hope i'll have fun with najib later. coz i kinda lyke him too. hahakz. [brape banyak org lah lini nak suker?!] hehez. aniwae, yesterday (wednesday) me, aisyah and fateha went to interview for a job. the interview was at tong eng building [tong eng not tongeng. hahakz.] but it was for the position of a cashier at the giant sale which will be held on fri-tues. dats how long i'll be werking uh. ok la tu. then after that met up with kynn and ella and abeen. aBeEn~!! im gald u came to hang out with us. its been ages since u did dat. u meanie. did ya noe how much i missed ya?! boo hoo. hahakz. i had sooooo much fun with the gurls. they're juz an awesome bunch of frens. i dunnoe wat i'll be without them. thanks guys! for every single thing. i love u guys deep deep ya noe! hahakz. well, im gonna have training later. at 10 till 2. then meeting najib at 330 at tamp. dunnoe wat we'll be doing. prolly eating uh. then walk2. wats there to do at tamp aniwae? hahakz. well, i've been pretty occupied these days. but err... fauzan never left my mind. so yeah, i still love u fauzan. but it doesnt really matter i guess. well, till here then. i'll be late if i dun get off the comp now. peace. love. take care. and at least try to be happy for me.

[oN My waY dOwN, i Saw yOu aNd yOu SavEd mE fRoM MyseLF...]

wadehell...

2004-08-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

gee. i juz dun feel so good. but who cares. no big deal. lemme see. im so friggin bored. didnt go out on saturday and boy does it feel depressing. hahakz. ella went to the beach alone. madness. i'd love to follow her but nah... i stayed home. den called her up coz i was blarddy bored. den decided to hang out with her at the void deck nearby our houses. nothing betta to do i guess. both of us were craving for chocs. so yeah, bought chocs and juz chilled and talk and talk and talk. dats wat we do best i guess. den we headed home around 8 lyke dat uh. got bored all over again. played the comp for a while. den called ella up. had conference with her, aisyah and kynn. went to sleep then. boredom. then on sunday, bored again. Life's so boring. i dun even noe wat im living for. tsk tsk. met ella and went to eat at mac. den headed home. so boring ryte. told ya so. and im still bored now. goodness gracious me. BORING. i dun feel lyke doing anything. i cried last nyte. i dunnoe why. i juz did. i shall not deny the fact that i still love fauzan. and the fact that he has someone else just urgh! juz makes me wanna scream my lungs out. i juz hate it. juz hate the way im loving him. hate it. hate it. hate it. urgh! wat abt azhar? i dunnoe man. i juz dunnoe. sometymes i juz miss him so. sometymes he just dun mean a thing to me. and sometymes i feel dat i need him to make everything feels ryte. gosh. im just so confused. and it doesnt friggin matter. to hell with all this. i cant be bothered anymore. and hudy, wats the shit abt doing things that makes people happy and not things dat makes me happy? dats juz bullcrap. its my life. so why shudnt i make myself happy. why shud i be the one making people happy. why cant people make me happy for once. if i dun make myself happy, then who is gonna do it? yes im selfish. but damn. im only human. if im happy, and u people are not happy abt it. then dats ur freaking problem. go find ur own happiness. dun destroy mine. "do things dat makes people happy. not things dat makes u happy" dats a whole load of bullcrap i tell ya. hey, life's lyke dat. if u dun lyke it, then dats ur oh-fucking problem. *taking deep breathes* why the hell am i so worked up? tsk tsk. guess im not in a good mood. so yeah, peace out.

[wiSh i kNew juZ waT tO dO, iM sO ConFuSeD...]

2004-08-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

azHaR aNd mE~!! gOsh. i MiSs hiM sO mucH~!! *blush*

lalalala~

2004-08-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

wheeeeee! im at ella's crib. hahakz. she havent bathe!!!! hahakz. eh so loooooonggggg neva update. hahakz. eh cool ryte ella wrote something at my bloggie?! total coolness. hahakz. oh well, lemme fill you guys in on these last few days. on a monday, i am waiting. on a tuesday, i am fading. on a wednesday, i cant wat uh? cant remember the lyrics of the song. hahakz. ok lini. total lameness. stop it sia. hahakz. well, wat i meant to say is, i met azhar on monday~!! hahakz. he came over my place. no no. not my house. at the void deck onlie. hahakz. ok la tu. hahakz. we hang out and stuffs. he bought me sweets~!! so nice of him ryte? hahakz. then we held hands and stuffs. and kissy~!! wheeeeeeee! hahakz. okok. over excited. and so fast dah kiss eh? takpe uh. haha. den so fast miss him already seh. hahakz. eh did i write about this stuffs already?! alah... nvm uh. i lyke to say over and over again. hahakz. kk. den on tuesday, met that shazni fella. gosh. he's so full of himself. goodness gracious me. so boring. and lyke -heh- so mean sia me. but then u ask ella and kynn uh. they will say the same. oh dats coz i met them too. so its lyke me, ella, kynn and shazni. luckily ella was sick, so we can use her as an excuse to go off early. so mean of us. but yeah, we cudnt stand him. haha. mean again. aniwae, met azhar after dat. he send me home. so sweet ryte? hahakz. den let ella and kynn see him. so their first impression was he's so huggable. cute lah tu. hahakz. i think so too! so cute seh. so nice to hug. *missing him already* hahakz. ok dats it for tuesday. then wednesday, i met him again. [brape banyak kali nak jumpe azhar lah... hahakz.] spent the whole day with him. met him at 115 lyke dat uh. den hang out at library till 3. met his bro. lyke whoah.was so nervous seh. didnt noe wat to say. i juz smile onlie uh. den his bro ask me to take care of him. ask me to ask him to study. hahakz. farnie seh. aniwae, i made him go to town to hang out with my frens. he was lyke dun wan uh. coz he wearing slack and he didnt have cash with him. but i insisted then he said "anytthing for u uh". so friggin sweet!!!! how can i not fall for him?! hahakz. den met kynn, ella and dee [ella's member. she ask me to type this. tsk tsk.] aniwae, he said my frens are peramah. nice ppl. hehez. my frens lyke him too i guess. so yeah. and i lyke him too. *blush* hahaha. blush konon. aniwae, on the way home we went to 7 eleven. and he bought me chocs! i didnt want it but he ask me wat my fav choc is. i pointed at kinder bueno. he juz grabbed it and go to the cashier. then he handed me the chocs and ask me to eat later. alah... touching nye. hahakz. mepek uh lini. hahakz. banyak nah pasal azhar... ape dah... kk. enuff. haha. i wanna say thanks to ella for not charging me when i use her comp at her house. but then she say she will do so in the future. ape uh ella. money minded. haha. farnie sia. kk. lagi ape eh... hmm... got tuition at 6!!! now 542. late already sia!!!! so lazy! hahakz. hmm... mebbe fauzan's fetching me from tuition later. mebbe onlie. not confirm. hahakz. hope so though. coz i miss him uh. [ella at the background going 'ryte...'] okie dokie. dats all for now. peace ya'll~!!

[LasT weRds: i waNna sHouT ouT tO tHe worLd tHat i LoikE aZhaR~!! whEeEeEe~!!]

muaahaha.....wohooo!

2004-08-26T00:23:00.000-07:00

helo everibodi....ella here.....wad?nonono..u not 'hearing' da wrong thing n nonono u not at da wrong blog ayte..dun change da webbie....its true its me ella at lini's blog...not lini...wohoo...muz be wondering wat am i doing at lini's blog...i oso dunnoe y..ahaha...waddahell am i doing here..ahaha...kk stop crapping about....well,lini cant use her comp coz her mum cut off her internet line...reason being,she spend too much time on comp...waddatoot rite....hmmx,niwey....since u asked me to comment bout 'bear2' ryte...u noe wad i mean ryte lini....*wink2*.....here goes nothing ayte....ok,tis is wad i think of 'bear2':-cute,adorable,huggable,friendable,funniable n cuteable...ahahaa....did i mention cute?oh yeah i did....eheheh...yeah lini...go fer 'bear2' ayte.....u wont regret i tell u..ceh confident seh....oh yeah...i saw 'bear2' twice....yesterdae n dae before.....actualli,its like me,kynn,lini,bear2 n nur (ma member) met up at town yesterdae...we all like to meet up at least once a week....like fun like dat....so met up and went to puncak(again)...yeah2....its always puncak isnt it....aniwae,went dere to haf our dinner....da ferst thing ive ordered was fried wanton....woah,dey all suddenly looked at me like cant believe i ordered dat...cmon man.....im generous wad...ahahaha....after we had dinner,lini had to go off wif bear2....coz she got 'ustad' which means ngaji uh...ahaha...so left me,kynn n nur...n da three of us went chilling at esplanade dere....wohooo.....kk tis is not ma blog,so shall not write anitthing more wohooo......final werds from me to lini:-go fer bear2 ayte lynnie...hes cuteable n adorable...realli...;)

i love how u can tell all the pieces of me...

2004-08-24T13:02:00.000-07:00

lerness. im lyke friggin sleepy. cant fall asleep last nyte. no idea why though. aniwae, i met azhar yesterday. he came over to my place and we hang out at the void decks nearby. he's got beautiful eyes. all brown and stuffs. hehez. he's real sweet too. cute in his own ways. hehez. well, b4 i went home, he said "love ya" to me. i was pretty shocked uh. lyke whoah. i didnt say anything though. i juz smiled at him. tsk tsk. lini lini... wat a reaction. hahakz. i dunnoe if i feel the same way for him. i aint sure. mebbe. mebbe not. let tyme tell i guess... but err... aziza really loves him and stuffs... she even wrote in her blog. and i asked her myself too... sigh. now i feel bad. lerness. i told azhar abt it uh. but he was lyke "dun care abt wat she feels uh." sigh again. i noe this wrong. i shudnt be doing this. den why am i still doing it. tsk tsk. urgh! lini lini. figure it out gurl. aniwae, im meetin this guy called shazni later. neva met him b4. so yeah, my first tyme seeing him. kinda nervous and stuffs. hahakz. azhar wanted to meet me again today but i said no uh. coz im going out wit shazni. aniwae, prolly going town or pasir ris. either one. not sure yet. guess dats it for now uh. i'll fill ya in on shazni again later. aniwae, i miss FauZaN aLoT... *sigh* i wanna see him! tsk tsk. why cant i juz get over him? i still love u FauZaN~!! but it aint important. coz we'll never get back togeda again. *sobz* i still want you sweets... still need ya. enuff of dat... oh and its been a while since i heard from dibby. where is he? tsk tsk. miss him too~!! hahakz. and i miss ella and aisyah too. so long neva hear from them. must be pretty bz with their werk and stuffs. oh well... *big hug*

[i gotta let it burn...]

still coughin. bluek!

2004-08-23T13:10:00.000-07:00

morningz peeps! woke up early today. dun ask me why. i dunnoe. going back to sleep later i think. aniwae, my saturday was okiez. went to kynn's crib. but she made me wait at her void deck till 330 den she said its ayte for me to come up. lerness. i bought chips and headed to her crib. went to her room and watched 'freaky friday'. awesome movie. totally cool. den we listened to the radio while rummaging thru her wardrobe. tried out a couple of her clothes. wanted to take pics with her digi cam. but she didnt charge the batts. blarddy toot! wat uh kynn. tsk tsk. den i took my own pic using her celly. hahakz. den she offered karipap to me. [kynn, basi-ness! hahakz.] we couldnt play the comp at first coz her bro was home. but he went out around 6 plus or 7. den we went to play the comp uh. total coolness. she lemme listen to all the emo songs she loike. all of them are nice. unintended by muse. tsk tsk. damn emo. hahakz. oh and while i was playing the comp, kynn had nothing to do. she sat on her bro's bed, went under the covers, totally covered, she started doing sit-ups. blarddy freaky~!! scaree sia she. den guess wat peeps? this cartoon-ish kynn almost fell off the bed coz she was doing sit-ups under the covers. farnie sia she. but i was there to catch her when she fell. literally. hahakz. well, i went off from her crib at 8 plus i think. then err... met fauzan. he came to kynn's void deck. to pick me up and send me to bedok. so sweet of him ryte? hehez. but he was being a lil bit of basket-ist. so mean! but then he was sweet at the same tyme. i guess i miss him alot man. being in his arms juz gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. sigh. gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek when its tyme for me to go. wished he'd send me home. but he juz send me to bedok. ok lah. still appreciate it sooooo much. thanks fauzan. u're still as sweet as ever. *winkz* so i guess my saturday went well uh. hmm... for sunday, i didnt go out. stayed home. chatted with azhar. he's interesting. i call him mojo jojo. cant remember why. but yeah, he calls me bubbles. wheeeeee! i love bubbles. hehez. exchanged cellphone numbers. and im kinda smsing him noe. he's in school and stuff. but yeah, still smsing. tsk tsk. oh ya, i went jogging wit my sis yesterday. blarddy tired i tell ya. cannot tahan man. my legs still aching. feeling sleepy now. tsk tsk. aniwae, my mummy's kinda cookin maggi for me now. lini lini... dah besar pon mak kena masakkan maggi... hehez. lazy uh. wanted to cook myself juz now. but got hooked on the comp. tsk tsk. oh well, tyme for me to go. maggi's ready! im friggin hungry. so maggi pon maggi uh. hahakz. peace. enjoy ur day~!!

[why are we going round in circles? why am i letting it happen again? tsk tsk.]

i want to eat~!!

2004-08-21T11:31:00.000-07:00

oh man. im so hungry. there's nothing for me to fill my empty stomach with. tsk tsk. i wanna eat! hahakz. niwae, didnt go for tuition yesterday. didnt feel lyke it. tsk tsk. wats wrong wit me? exams are around the corner. haiz... aniwae, i went to meet kynn, fateha, atap & ayil. kynn had to go off early coz she had ngaji. was supposed to meet them at somewhere uh. but then i didnt noe how to get there. useless lini. dunnoe her way around town. hahakz. go there so many tymes but neva memorised the route. dumb dumb! hahakz. niwae, met them at puncak. then we ate. as usual i ate oyster sauce chicken noodles. so nice. aaaaaahhhhhhh! craving for it. tsk tsk. aniwae, fateha wanted to get boots. so yeah, we searched for it. but to no avail. her feet are too small for boots. tsk tsk. hahakz. so yeah. reached home at 10 plus. didnt get scolding though. coz i happen to take the same bus with my mum. hahakz. niwae, i think im going over to kynn's crib later on. but havent confirm uh. dunnoe wat tyme also. mebbe around 2 i guess. ok lah. guess dats abt it for now. too hungry to think of anything else. so yeah. peace. may today be a great day for me. and may i find fooooooooooooood soon! hehez.

[DonT TeLL mE tHe BaD nEws. dOnT teLL mE aNyThiNg aT aLL. juZ teLL mE daT yOu nEEd Me aNd sTaY RyTe HeRe wiTh mE.]

finally im updating...

2004-08-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

hmm... been quite a while since i updated. since im bored and no1 is bugging me. i shall now fill ya in on wat i've been doing these few days. oh well... here goes nothing...

TuEsDaY, 17th AuGusT 2004

i went for my dentist appointment. at outram there. so far. lazy sia to go. reached there on tyme. at 11. wait for my turn lyke so long sia. blarddy toot. then see the dentist for a while onlie. juz discuss the amount. and how many tooth to extract. tsk tsk. expensive sia. then my mum was lyke asking me to werk. so dat we can have enuff money to pay for my braces. tsk tsk. now then she lemme werk. ape dah... hahakz. went to walk2 wit my mum after dat for a while. then went home. chill for awhile. den went out to meet kynn at tamp. sheesh. hafta blanja her so that she turun tamp. basketism. but nvm. its been sometyme since i blanja her. hahakz. oh well. i saw fadzli. but then i neva tegur him. coz he was wit his frens. ten of them i think. dats wat he said lah. i didnt stand there and count his frens. tsk tsk. hahakz. then i smsed fadzli. asking where he's going and stuffs. he said he's going to play computer games wit his frens. i was oh ok. if terserempak later then tegur uh. niwae, kynn arrived and i told her i saw fadz. so yeah. we tot of looking for him to say hi uh. then we saw him walking towards our direction. wheeeeeee! said hi and stuffs. and asked him where is he heading to and why is he alone. then he said he was lookin for us. awww.... so schweet of him to come and look for us. haha. then he accompanied us to eat at long john silver. then walked around for awhile. den he went to join his frens. gosh. missed him so much! felt lyke hugging him. but then forgot to hug him. hahakz. crazee lini. aniwae, i bought a skirt and a top. woo hoo! got new outfit already. hahakz. den bought kynn a pink rose. first tyme i bought a rose for anyone. and its for my dearest bestfren!!! *winkz* i lurve ya kynn~!! *big hug* oh and i sent my celly to the shop for repair. something wrong wit my infra red. so yeah. i guess my tuesday went well. *grinz*

wEdNesDaY, 18th AuGusT 2004

hmm... wat did i do on wed? oh ya. went out wit ella, kynn, nataporn, din, dee and FADZLI~!! hahakz. so long neva chill wit fadzli. so yeah. he was supposed to go swimming. then i ajak him follow we all go town. since it was raining, he went wit us instead. cool uh. niwae, we went to puncak and eat. actually want to treat fadzli to a meal uh. den in the end nataporn was the one who paid for it. tsk tsk. hahakz. free meal! hahakz. thanks atap. hahakz. niwae, after dat we walk2 to topshop. den lyke nothing to do at town. as usual. town was frigging boring. den we decided to head to esplanade. fadzli went off. gave him a hug. love my bestfren alot~!! *winkz* then the rest of us hang out at esplanade there. sat and start emo-ing. hahakz. oh well, i dunnoe abt them. but it the emo-ing was getting too much for me to handle. so yeah, wen they went to get drinks i decided to head back home. besides i actually had religious class. but i juz felt lyke ignoring it. so yeah. got home. got scolded. got punished. tsk tsk. but yeah. it was ok. my wednesday was alryte too i guess. how can it not be alryte wen i have great frens and simply awesome bestfrens?! *winkz*

ThuRsDaY, 19th AuGusT 2004

yesterday? err... went out again. to collect my celly at the shop. met shahryl and amir. didnt noe amir was gonna be there. was kinda shocked to see him there. aniwae, paid shahryl $10 for the pit thingy. den they followed me to collect my celly. gosh. it took so long! grr. and guess wat?! my infra red still cannot werk! basketz sia! was so pissed!!! urgh! feel lyke smashing my phone. hahakz. niwae, after dat we went to eat at mac. shahryl wanted to eat at kampong chai chee. but i felt lyke eating fastfood uh. oh well, went to mac. ate there. den went to ntuc. coz amir's mum was there. then me and shahryl went to survey the prices for the stuffs dat we're getting for the pit. aniwae, ate sushi too! yum yum! so long didnt eat sushi. hahakz. after dat, i went off uh. wen to montip alone. i cant possibly bring shahryl to a gurlish place ryte? some more i feel lyke being alone lah. ceh! nak emo emo. hahakz. got a clip for my sis. since she asked me to get her one. she said she's gonna pay me back uh. but havent pay~!! grrr!!! hahakz. den i bought a ring for myself. so sad. nobody want to buy ring for me. so i buy myself lah. hahakz. and i bought a new phone cover. its black. wat a depressing color. oh well, i feel depressed most days. hahakz. well yeah. dats all for thursday. poor kynn is sick. get well soon ayte dearie?! *big hug*

FriDay, 20th AuGusT 2004

today... haiz... feel so lazy. no mood to go tuition. no mood to do anything actually. i feel lyke running, running and running. urgh. why am i feeling so down?! tsk tsk. i shall cheer myself up. hahakz. alamak. my pri sch fren ask me to turun town uh. lazy uh. used up my cash already. sigh. broke already! darn. hahakz. eh im still sick sia. stupid cough. aint going away. toot uh. eh... i miss dibby. so long neva hear from him. alamak lini. dibby's attached lah. stop thinking abt him. hahakz. this dibby uh. so bz. i wanna hang out wit him again. i'll definitely be happy hanging out wit dibby. coz he makes me happy! hahaha. madness. omigawd. i shud go do my tuition hw ryte away. gtg. peace. love ya'll. *big fat hug*

[SomE pEopLe waNt iT aLL, buT i duN waNt NoThinG aT aLL, iF iT aiNt yOu BaBy, iF i aiNt gOt yOu BaBy...]

thanks for acting lyke u cared.

2004-08-16T17:12:00.001-07:00

tsk tsk. im bored. and this silly cough that refuses to go away isnt making any of this betta. bummer. i feel lyke sending my celly for repair coz there's obviously something's wrong with my infra red function. the nearest place is at century square. shud i go later? hmm... i dunnoe. oh well, i have this dentist appointment tomorrow. im gonna be wearin braces man. im actually on the waiting list uh. and its lyke finally my first appointment tml. im soooooooo not ready. can u imagine me in braces?! urgh. its so not me. hahakz. hmm... this is gonna be a very boring week for me. ella and aisyah is working for this whole week. at expo there uh. might be paying them a "visit". dat is i have someone to go with. kynn cant go out this weekend. which in other words mean i cant be with my bestfren this weekend. hahakz. oh wait a minute, i might be coming over her crib and hang. juz lyke we used to do. awww.... those were the days. kynn, remember 'fengshui'?! hahakz. its juz cool hangin out at her crib. we used to try on different outfits, played with each other hair or juz lay on our back wit the radio blasting our fav song and even read magazines togeda. its juz cool uh. i'll neva get bored hanging out at kynn's crib. i mean wit a bestfren lyke kynn, u'll neva get bored! hahakz. now i cant wait to hang at her crib. *grinz* hmm... we're prolly gonna have a bbq thingy on 4th sept. well, dats wat shahryl claimed. aniwae, we hafta pay $10 for it though. nothing's free man. hahakz. so yeah. im gonna raise some cash and hand it over to shahryl soon. soon... hahakz. well yeah. enuff of this crap. LiNi ouT~!!

[well, im not okay... im not o-fucking-kay...]

wheeeeeee!

2004-08-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

hmm... i dun feel lyke blogging. i dunnoe why. got nothing much to write abt i guess. went out yesterday. wit kynn, ella, ayil and nataporn. took us so long to decide where to go out to. decided to meet at 230. but as usual i ended up being late. reached at 3. hahakz. lini lini. hopeless uh. hahakz. oh well, we headed to far east. had lunch at puncak. as usual, i ordered my all tyme fav food. oyster sauce chicken noodles. yummy! i wonder why i never get sick of it. hahakz. so aniwae, after lunch we had nothing to do. and nowhere to go. lets juz say, town was friggin dull. mebbe we shud have juz went to girl fest. but it'll cost us $7. darn. so aniwae, walked around the oh so boring town. then decided to head to the beach instead. bought super big gulp. went to the nearest break water. and sat there. wanted to look at the sun set. but apparently we didnt noe which direction the sun sets at. so yesh. before we noe it, it was already dark. i lay on my back. stared at the sky. which was star-less. so yeah, there were only clouds. but its not too bad. the beach is juz an awesome place for u to sit and watch the world go by. of course i spent my tyme there reminiscing anythin and everything. haiz... dats all i can say. haiz... well, life is full of "haiz" i guess. i dunno why but there juz seems to be something missing in my life. lyke it aint complete. watever lini. watever.

[yOu duNnoE waT yOu mEaN To mE...]

still sick~

2004-08-12T11:29:00.000-07:00

im still sick. its weird. each tyme i swallow panadols, i ended up vomitting. *bluek* its already hard enuff for me to actually put the pills inside my mouth. gosh. i hate panadols. urgh! and i am scared of them. hahakz. lini lini... who ask u to swallow 16 of them in the first place?! dengz uh. oh well, im trying to go to friendster but dunnoe why its taking so friggin long. toot uh. so hmm... wat shud i write here? last nyte i didnt have religious class coz i was sick. but then still can play comp eh... hehez. chatted wit dibby! *grinz* he was lyke "why do u always come online ryte after i sign in?" den i said coincidence uh. hahakz. cute lah he~ i miss him~!! wheeeeeeeeee! i soooooo wanna see him. but then dunnoe how to ask him out and where to go. scared also uh. later he dun want. hahakz. but im keeping my fingers crossed. hope i can get to see him soon! *giggles* oh lini... wat a crazee infatuation u've got there... *shakes head* hehez. madness! juz thinking of dibby makes me happy~ wheeeeeeee! i havent "merayap" for the whole of this week man. toot. hope i'll get well soon and then i'll start "merayap-ing" again. hahakz. well, dats all. LiNi ouT~!!

[its betta off this way huh...]

i swear im ryte. swear i knew it all along.

2004-08-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

sick.and.tired.of.this.world.

im friggin sick. and im friggin weak. and i have nothing. nothing. not a thing. yes. its depressing. but who cares. depressed. alone. scared. vulnerable. hurt. broken. dats lini. welcome to my world.

coughs

2004-08-10T15:49:00.000-07:00

oh man! im sick. urgh! i hate being sick. dat means to get betta i hafta eat medicine. which i dun lyke! grr! i dun lyke takin medication but i hafta so as to get betta. bluek! oh ya. i didnt update for quite sometime. amazingly i got too lazy to update. oh well, here goes nothing...

SaTuRdaY, 7th AuGusT 2004

hmm... i went out wit kynn, ella and two of nataporn's fren (dee & din). supposed yo meet at kynn and ella at bedok at 2. but i was late. as usual. hahakz. so instead we met in the train at the last cabin. it was already almost 3. so basically i was freaking late. niwae, i have neva met dee & din. neva even tok to them b4. so yeah. it was ok uh. went to town. as usual. where else can we go. went to penin coz kynn wanna get guitar picks. got one for myself too. den went to esplanade. saw adidah and adilah. talked crap and stuffs. den headed to the rooftop to take tons of pics. all in all it was fun uh.

SuNdaY, 8th AuGusT 2004

stayed home the whole day. did absolutely nothing. boredom. juz boredom. chatted wit dibby though. he was in KL. in his hotel room. wheeeeeeee! something dat made me smile. sheesh. i lyke him so much. *grinz*

MoNdaY, 9th AuGusT 2004

HaPpY NaTioNaL DaY~!! oh well, chatted in the morning. dibby was online again! how cool is dat?! still in KL though. he said he ate alot lah wat lah. den going swimming later lah. cute lah he. *smilez* niwae, went to my granny's place. spend the whole day there. quite ok lah. got bored. but then played wit the lil kids. it kinda cheered me up. den there was this guy called khair who smsed me and asked me out. to watch fireworks. sweet of him to ask. but nah... so aniwae, hang out wit my lil cuz. my idiotic adeq sedare went out wit his frens. onlie got to see him for a while. then he went out. i want to follow!!!! hahakz. well, i managed to see the fireworks. and boy was it pretty. real pretty. it was so breath taking. glad dat i shared dat magnificent view wit my family. niwae, watched spore idol wit them. sooo funny seh! hahakz. then went home. got a lift from my uncle. took his van. cool uh. dats how my national day went.

TuEsDay, 10th AugusT 2004

hmm... im sick and im bored. and i hate medicine! urgh! i miss fauzan. and i do wanna be frens wit him. yes it hurts juz being frens. but it hurts even more when u're juz total strangers. so yeah. i hope we can still be frens fauzan. sorry for deleting u at frenster and stuffs. sorry. sigh. aniwae, i miss dibby. hahakz. i bet u guys knew dat was coming. i wanna see him~!! but then scared to ask him out. and besides i got nowhere to ajak him to. and besides he'll say no aniwae. so why bother. hahakz. dibby~!! i loike u sooooooo much! hahakz. ok stop being crazy lini. crazy abt dibby~ hahaha. dibby's neva gonna lyke u. so stop this crap. tsk tsk. hahakz. oh man. im so into the songs "pieces of me by ashlee simpson" and "on the way down by ryan cabrera" dunnoe why but those two songs remind me of dibby. hahakz. eh kynn! kepo sia u. use the ryan song for ur bloggie. toot u! first it was switchfoot's dare u to move. which i also love. grr! hahakz. ok lahz. time to get off the comp. get something to eat. and eat the dreaded medicine. bluek! oh well, peace. love. huggies. kissy.

[No onE wiLL EvEr LovE yOu aS MucH aS i LovE yOu Now... No OnE, FauZaN... No OnE...]

i like this thingy~!!

2004-08-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

I sit in the park where I dwell,

For this boy I love so well.

He took my heart away from me,

Now he wants to set me free.

I see a girl on his lap,

He says things to her he never said to me.

I ran home to cry on my bed,

Not a word to mother was said.

Father came home late that night,

He looked at me from left to right.

He saw me hanging from a rope,

He took his knife to cut me down.

And on my dress a note was found:

Dig my grave, Dig it deep.

Dig my grave, From head to feet.

And on the top place a dove.

And remember this, I died for love.

wat do u guys think of this? i took it from fiza's bloggie. i found it really cool. niwae, i'll dedicate this thingy to fauzan. i dunnoe whether he still reads my bloggie. but yeah. this is for u fauzan.

i dunnoe...

2004-08-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

sheesh. woke up early again. i dunnoe uh. i juz miss fauzan. crap man. we're not even frens. so toot man. sigh. niwae, didnt update for two days. so yeah. nothing much happened on wednesday. went for dinner at tamp wit my mum and bro. den rushed home for the religious class we have every wednesday nyte. so yeah. called kynn up a while after dat but my sis wanna use phone. so must hang up uh. den went to sleep i think. dats for wednesday uh. thursday... i wanted to stay home and do my tuition homework uh. neva do sia. gonna do later. b4 i go to tuition. hahakz. niwae, went to meet kynn at town. i was late uh. made her wait for me. *evil laughter* den walked around far east. and ended up eating at puncak. walked around again. then headed to bedok mac to hang out for a while. dats all uh. but dunnoe why i felt tired. so yeah. yesterday, i kinda read my chat logs. got those times i chatted wit zan. and it was lyke sheesh. so sad man. sigh. oh ya. i tot abt it real hard last nyte. mebbe i dun like adib. i dunnoe. it feels lyke it. its juz crazyness. i dunnoe lah. i dunnoe. mebbe now, i juz dun wanna noe. urgh! but even if i do lyke adib its like one in a million chance dat he's gonna feel the same way abt me too. so lyke double sigh. watever lah lini. watever. sigh again.

sigh

2004-08-04T12:55:00.000-07:00

its the 4th of august. happy so called 5 months of being wit zan. sigh. or shud i say happy 2 months of being single~!! either way, had a bad start to the day. had a dream. dreamt dat i was in the mrt alone. saw fauzan wit another gurl. i dunnoe who. cant see her face. niwae, they were cuddling and stuffs. and there i stood alone. looking at them. they were happy and stuffs. they didnt notice me. i was invisible. then suddenly fauzan looked up. stared at me ryte in the eye. expressionless. i had tears in my eyes. they got up. she was in his arms. and juz like dat zan walked past me. lyke a total stranger. sheesh. dat hurt i felt. ouch! well, i woke up crying. den i realised today's date. made me cry even more. geez... i guess im not over him yet. oh well. it takes time i guess. niwae, kynn went to school wit dibby!! so not fair! took same train as him! basketz! i miss dibby ya noe! hahakz. lets talk abt dibby. adib~!! sigh. this guy. i loike! i want! but surely cannot get one uh. so like betta keep it this way uh. like him from a distance. i dun want him to noe abt this crazy feeling i have towards him. dengz. dunnoe why. later awkward uh. coz surely wont get him to be mine. dibby is the guy i noe i can never have. bluek! but still i loike dibby! lyke a lot! dibby baby! dibby dearie! dibby sweetie! i like u~!! hahakz. okok. gettin crazee here~!! well, till here den. Peace~!!
*missing dibby*

[i love you not because i need you but i need you because i love you...]

2004-08-03T18:15:00.000-07:00

LooKiNg aT yOu... LooKiNg aT mE...

TrY tHis~!!

2004-08-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

ZzZzZzZz~

2004-08-02T10:57:00.000-07:00

oh man. its sucha nice weather to sleep, sleep and sleep. but im hungry. so i cant really sleep well. nothing to eat uh. oh well, yesterday was a crappy day for me i guess. mum couldnt stop nagging. urgh! got pretty bored. so yeah. went to sleep. which means i did nothing the whole day uh. slept till 6. sigh. its time like that when i miss zan most. its like each time my mum nagged or wat, i wud juz grabbed my celly and sms zan. telling him abt how pissed i felt or wat ar. he was the one i run to. now i cant do that anymore. i still need him. i still need him to tell me it will all be ok. i still need him to comfort me by saying *fauzan hugs lini and kisses her forehead* it could really make me feel betta when he does dat. but no. he's gone. its all gone. i hafta face it. i cant run to him anymore. i cant need him anymore. i hafta get thru this alone. sigh. i miss him. and i do hope for an sms from him or something. juz to let me noe he's ok. sigh. i miss being able to tell him how much i missed him. sigh. well yeah. moving on. after sleeping, i woke up and eat. then i was washing dishes when my bro said there was a phone call for me. tot it was shikynn or something. i mean who the hell would call me. i dun really get much phone calls uh. niwae, it was aisyah's mum. i was so called supposed to be out wit her ar. i mean she told her mum dat. but her mum called my house. so lyke hafta change the story uh. i said i couldnt go out. told aisyah last minute but she already went out. and i claimed dat i dunnoe who she is out wit. kinda shocked lah. then i checked my hp and saw two missed call from aisyah's house. lerness. well, i called aisyah thru zali's hp to tell her ar. then after dat i was feeling bored so i juz dialed shikynn's number. and made her talk to me. hahakz. so yeah. talked to her from 630 till 9. then her adeq want to use the phone. sibuk je. i was bored. then nothing to do. so i juz laze around in bed while listening to the radio. juz dream and stuffs. boredom i tell u. pure boredom. hahakz. so yeah. dats how my sunday went. now for today, i think i'll be staying home. study or somethin. my dad's not working. so cant go out lah. kinda waiting for him to bring back my brunch. so yeah. i miss dibby~!! hahakz. crazy lynnie. ayte den. LiNi out~!!

[i was only thinking of u... hoping u were thinking of me...]

whEeEeEe~!! waT a Day... grinz

2004-08-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

DiBBy aNd mE~!!

wHeEeEe~!! im Lyke so happy. hahakz. dunnoe coz of wat. crazeeeee! niwae, met dibby yesterday. i was kinda nervous ar. coz kynn came late. then he arrived first. so yeah. i said hi and stuffs. then luckily kynn arrived shortly after dat. was running outta things to say. hahakz. niwae, we went to play pool at pavillion. was kinda awkward at first. but then lyke we lighten up as time went by ar. niwae, it was real fun ar. dibby's real good at pool though he keeps saying "i dunnoe how to play lahz." toot ar he! hehez. after the pool session (ceh! pool session seh! hahakz!), we went to eat at kampong chai chee seafood restaurant. i was the only one eating ar. i mean me and kynn shared it ar. then after dat, we went and took pix. so farnie! dibby was saying he has this fear of camera's lah wat lah. and making us delete some of the photos. macam2 ar. so yeah. aniwae, my frens were looking at the pics and saying adib not ahhh ar. which actually meant, adib is not good lookin ar. hahakz. weird language ar we all. but i find adib simply adorable! i loike it wen he smiles and wen he laffs! so cute! hahakz. well, all in all, wat im trying say is i LoikE aDiB~!! hahakz. well, after meeting adib, we went to watch the fireworks ar. headed to esplanade to go to its rooftop. skali cannot! basketz sia. then went to marina bay instead. then walking2 suddenly heard the loud sound. then like natural instinct, we ran towards the sound. hahakz. farnie sia. niwae, got to see a bit of it. very pretty. sigh. wished i had someone to share it wit. *bluek* was kinda thinkin of fauzan when i saw the fireworks. how i wished he was there wit me. sigh. but lets not talk abt it. so yeah. suddenly received an sms from yunus. and he said something lyke the fireworks was pretty and enjoy urself. something lyke dat ar. it was really sweet ya noe. lyke he actually thought of me while he saw the fireworks. and even took time to msg me. lyke awww.... so schweet! hehez. after dat, hang out at the merlion there. then head home. reached home at 1040. parents nagged for not calling. blah blah blah. after dat was normal shit. hahakz. but all in all, yesterday was great. juz great. and today... hmm... i dunnoe. may today be an even betta day for me!

[im missing you and nobody noes it but me...]

im loving angels instead~

2004-07-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

and thru it all, he offers me protection. alot of love and affection whether im ryte or wrong. *singing* good morning peeps~!! yes im awake though its only 830. wat can i say... im a morning person. ceh! hahakz. was awake at 715 and couldnt go back to sleep. dunnoe why. sigh. then tot of him. lyke HIYA~!! i dun wanna think abt you~ *sings again* i juz feel lyke singing today. so if it rains, u noe who to blame. hahakz. i miss him! yes i do. but lets not tok abt it. sigh. so yeah. there is currently no1 at home. this makes me feel real lonely. toot man. so aniwae, i saw adidah yesterday. and she was like Lini~!! lyke we were close lyke dat. was kinda shocked. tot she would juz gave me a slight wave and smile. but this time we talked. hahakz. total weirdness. niwae, ella cut her hair. hahakz. didnt recognise her coz i saw her from the back. but then ok lah. so niwae, we were supposed to study but we ended up talking and talking. hahakz. there was such a nice breeze. then some more i juz finished eating then i went to met her. so i felt sleepy ar. didnt feel lyke going. but then like busted sia. so nvm ar. i sacrifice. ceh! hahakz. then we talk and talk. while listening to radio. then ella wanted to eat so we head to the hawker centre. and she bought mee hoon goreng. yum yum! niwae, went home and did my tuition homewerk. and smsed dibby dearie! hahakz. addicted to smsing him. oopsy! hahakz. niwae, i was listening to the radio at nyte while waiting to doze off. i almost fell asleep ya noe... skali yunus called! yunus is syaaban's cousin. i got his number during the kendarat thingy. cant believe i asked him for it. then ella tumpang2 je ambik number dier... hahakz! niwae i was saying dat he called. got a shocked ar. coz didnt expect. then i juz rejected it ar. besides, im using prepaid ryte. if free incoming, different story ar. hehez. den i msged him back apologising for rejecting. so yeah. he said we shud start talking to each other. then he offered to call my celly. but then i cant use phone at nyte wat. then prepaid some more. so cannot ar. but then im shy ar to talk to him. ceh! lini shy seh. hahakz. no. seriously. i get all nervous and stuffs wen i talk to a guy on the phone. though he is juz a fren. i will still feel awkward. crazy sia. hahakz. and its been awhile since i talked on the phone wit guys. coz i dun loike to talk to guys over the phone. its weird ryte? hahakz. omigawd people! tml is saturday~!! i can see dibby~!! woo hoo! hahakz. oh ya. im gonna go for tuition later at 6. before that im gonna meet kynn. coz she cabut-ing poly. notty shikynn. hahakz. gonna ask ella along but then she is prolly sleeping now. so later2 then wake her up ar. i think im going back to sleep ar. nytez peeps! hahakz. peace. have a nice day. love.

[we both know dat im not over you...]

so wont u kill me?

2004-07-29T15:09:00.000-07:00

oh man... im hungry. its 3.12 and i havent ate. but then i ate nasi lemak in the morn as breakfast. hahakz. eh ppl! i loike adib~!! hahakz. crazee! its juz a crush ar. he's juz so adorable. ahhhh! hehez. okok. im being crazee. stop it. so yeah. been on the comp for almost four hours now. gonna go study at a void deck nearby wit ella later. havent been studying lately. so yeah. gonna finish up on my tuition homework. omigawd. i cant stop talking abt adib. hahakz. dibby~!! urgh! stooopid crush. hahakz. my hp credit getting low. then cannot msg him. so sad. i must top up! hehez. ok this is pure madnesh. this thingy is gonna be all abt adib. and if he reads this then im so dead. so betta not write. hahakz. Lalala~ i Loike aDiB~ wheeeeeeee!

[Been crying since the day, the day you went away...]

sigh.

2004-07-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

its 3 oclock. and im bored. real bored. well, i shud be studying. but nah... dun feel lyke it. im hungry. but i dun feel lyke eating. i feel lyke crying. but nah... i smile instead. *bluek* why are the days passing so slowly? sigh. well aniwae, met kynn yesterday. she was late. as usual. toot. hahakz. went to paya lebar. ate there. saw zali. hmm... den went to tamp. toot kynn. i already suggested tamp at first. but no, she wants to go paya lebar. basketz. and make me wait for her some more. niwae, we made our way to tamp. since that day she wanted to get the skirt. but damn is she choosy. this dun want lah. dat dun want lah. gendengz. so fickle minded. one moment want this. next want that. almost lost my patience yesterday. haha. finally she decided to but the skirt at u2. but aniwae, she owes me an ice cream. for making me ask the sales person at 77th street for a size 32 when its so obvious dat size 30 is the biggest. toot u shikynn. hahakz. aniwae, i bought this pink earrings. its nice! i loike! hahakz. i lurve earrings man. wheeeeeeee! niwae, cant wait for saturday. me and kynn gonna meet adib!!! woo hoo! from last time say want to meet but then tak jadi. so now, i hope it will happen ar. hahakz. kynn~!! adib is soooo mine! i dun care. hahakz. aniwae, there is this song dat i really loike. its called on my way down by ryan cabrera or something like dat ar. been listening to it over and over again. hahakz. i havent had anything to eat since morning man. darn. guess i gtg eat now. peace. love.

[im still missing him... sigh.]

cHecK tHis ouT~!!

2004-07-28T14:00:00.000-07:00

Love.

2004-07-27T13:40:00.000-07:00

Here i sit alone.
Reminiscing all we had.
What went wrong?
Wait.
Was it never right in the first place?
Fate.
They said leave it to fate.
If u come back, then its meant to be.
If not, then let it go.
Let you go.
I cant.
Its like asking me to stop breathing.
Maybe you didnt know how much i love you.
Was that why you left?
Baby, you left me.
Left me broken.
Left me lost.
Left me hurt.
A dart piercing through my heart.
Thats wat it felt like.
They said time would heal all wounds.
But they dunnoe, that some wounds just never heals.
This is one of it.
Well, all im left with now is this broken heart of mine.
I'll keep hoping.
Hope that someday you'll love me the way i did.
And the way i do now.
I Love you Fauzan.
No matter what.
I always will...

sHiReEn~!!

2004-07-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

shireen... i guess the only way for us to contact each other now is thru each other's blog. hahakz. hmm... i juz read ur blog. so here's wat i gotta say... juz wanna say dat its alryte dat u called me a bitch. u must be pretty angry then. its alryte. i do dat at times to. well, im not that close to amir as u think we are. u've known him longer and much better i guess. hmm... i noe amir loves u... he told me so... so yeah. trust him ayte? i guess he is sincere ar. anyway, hope u two figure things out. try to leave me out of it. hahakz. peace.

LaLaLa~

2004-07-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

fairy tale poems
Rapunzel Who told you to wait for a prince anyway?
He'd only cut off your glorious hair,Plait it into the rope that binds you.
How much better to free its golden fire,
Ignite the tower,escape on wings that burst from your own strong arms.
Rapunzel, forget the prince!
Look into the eyes of the witch and see,
reflected intheir dark fire,the other half of yourself.
Take her hand, and fly!
Rapunzel & the Prince
The prince falls for you in your tower mode,
at your window, looking out-- safe, sequestered,for him alone.
He doesn't like the witch,Has convinced you,She is your enemy,
That she's notWho you think she is.
He convinces you to Cut off your hair,
Your golden brilliant hair,To trick her,Kill her off.
And in exchange for that
He'll make youQueen.

hmm... dats a testi from harith... i wonder wats the msg behind it. been wondering. anyone can tell me wats it about? hahakz. well aniwae, supposed to have tuition today. but somehow its cancelled. its gonna be on fri at 6-8 instead. oh well... was feeling sick yesterday. like weak and stuffs. felt betta after waking up today. but now im hungry and am having a headache. hmm... feel lyke going out today. to get some stuffs. earrings mebbe. hahakz. niwae, since there is gonna be a ndp preview this saturday, there is bound to be fireworks. therefore, me and my friends are gonna catch it togeda. wheeeeee! something to look forward to. sheesh. i shud start studying. time is like running out! sigh. i shudnt think abt all this love thingy anymore. shud juz study. study lini. study. hahakz! hmm... shud i go meet kynn today? prolly meeting her ar... then can laff2 again! wheeeeee! hahakz. till here then. peace. love.

.....

2004-07-27T07:47:00.000-07:00

weird. i woke up at 4 plus. lyke outta sudden. had a nightmare. fauzan was in it. weird weird dream. it juz felt so real. sigh. we were lyke having a major argument. about wat i dunnoe. and i think i lost him in the dream. i can feel him walking away from me. the feeling juz suck. i woke up crying. no idea why. i was afraid. afraid coz i am living my nightmare. i lost him. i... i... i... err... i... i... i miss him... sigh. im contradicting everything. one moment i say i hate him. the next i say i miss him... i... well... i... still love him... deep down, i still do... *sobz* its hard to get over him... but i'll try... dats all dats left to do ryte? try...

thinks

2004-07-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

i juz got back from the swimming pool. amazingly i actually went there alone. hahakz. total madnesh. i juz felt lyke swimming. but i didnt really swim ar. juz rendam lyke hippo. hahakz. i love being in the water ar. feels nice. so yeah. i juz stared at the clouds. look at people swim. sounds crazy. but yeah. dats wat i did for today. i thought about stuffs there. and i kinda cried. but each time i cried i soak my head in the water to stop myself from crying. sigh. i juz wanna be a kid again. coz they are like so true to their feelings. if they are happy they laugh. if they are depressed, they would juz cry their heart's out. i want to do dat. but its wrong to cry outta sudden. as we grow up we hafta hide our true emotions. sigh. i will get thru this. life is beautiful. i will be happy. i will be strong. i will smile. i will not cry anymore. i will be alone. i will be ME.

hmm...

2004-07-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

BiTcH

how do u define the word "bitch"? wat exactly is a "bitch"? ever thought of dat? well, according to shikynn a bitch is someone who likes to flirt and seek for attention. is dat really it? or izzit someone who speaks her mind about stuffs and just because she's ryte abt it, dat makes her a bitch? mebbe a bitch is someone who goes around hurting people juz so she doesnt get hurt. if dats the case den, id rather be a bitch. wait a minute. i am already a bitch to some people. well lets see. shireen thinks im a bitch. but its amazing why she didnt just say it to my face. basically i hafta go to her blog and realise all dat. to tell u the truth, it has no effect on me. yes. im a bitch. so wat? but shireen, i dun want ur amir. yes i admit i tend to flirt around with him. telling him i love him when i noe i dun. i swear i dun. and if u want me to stop contacting amir then its ok wit me. u juz hafta tell me. niwae, i noe im kinda in the wrong here. therefore its alryte for u to call me a bitch. it is my fault. so yeah. im sorry. i'll leave u and amir alone. err... i noe u hate me at times. its ok i guess. coz yes its my fault. but i never meant to take amir away from u. so i hope u dun see me as a threat in ur relationship anymore. i noe u two are meant for each other. so yeah. all the best. and sorry once again. sincere apologies from a bitch. oh ya... does a bitch apologise? hahakz. LiNi who? LiNi the BiTch. i guess dats wat fauzan thinks of me now. juz a bitch who deserves his utmost sympathy.

who do i think is a bitch? hmmz... this i dun hafta think hard. coz its obvious. aziza is a bitch. but too bad she cant accept the fact. well listen up bitch. if u're in postion, i bet u'd agree at how much of a bitch u are. the fact that u dunnoe how u betrayed me makes u feel as if u've done nothing wrong. u're a backstabber. a big fat one. dats wat u are. stop acting lyke u're the victim. lyke as if the whole world is doing harm to u. get real. u're so good at pretending to be nice. i told u to go to fauzan if u really wanted to. why didnt u juz go then? why izzit do u hafta hurt me TWICE? i was dumb enuff to forgive u once. sheesh. im juz so disappointed in u. i trusted watever u said. guess dats the mistake huh. i trusted a bitch. so yeah. dun ever think we can be frens again. coz i've seen the true u. and hell i dun want u in my life. u and fauzan can fucking be togeda for all i care.

JERK
wats a jerk? ahh... this is a simple question. if u look up the meaning of jerk in the dictionary, u can find fauzan's name in it. yes. im finally calling fauzan a jerk. after all this hurt he put me thru onlie now i realise wat a fool i have been to love him. shud have known betta. i hate u fauzan. i juz wish u can go and fucking die. and take dat bitch wit u. u messed up my life. i tot u'd change fauzan. each time u hurt me. i forgave u. i tot u'd change. but no. im wrong. u will neva change. amazingly, i want u outta my life. i wished u were never born. if onlie murder wasnt a crime, u would have been so dead now. i juz want to stab u over and over again. coz dats wat u made me feel. u made me feel as if someone is stabbing my heart over and over again. u said we're too different ryte. dats why we cant be togeda. i agree. u're juz a piece of shit. and hell yeah. YOU are not good enuff for ME. haha. yes. i finally said it. u're not worth my time. not worthy of my love. of my tears. of everything. sheesh. u could have it all. but i guess u juz cudnt see it. i was juz too lost in you to see all this. mebbe i tried too hard. yeah. dats it. if u're reading this, i bet u'd think dat yes. lini's sucha bitch. blah blah blah. but hey. u made me become a bitch. coz of u i am who i am today. dun apologise to me. i dun need ur meaningless apologies. the more u apologise the more i feel like killing u. u suck. so fuck off.

today...

2004-07-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

hmm... went out wit kynn yesterday. was supposed to bugis. then lyke far ar to me. alryte alryte... it wasnt THAT far... hehez. so yeah, asked her to go tamp instead. (compare bugis and tamp which one nearer? tamp ryte! hahakz!) aniwae, was smsing her while making my way to tamp ar. then she was like eh take the same train ar. so i said ok. then i missed abt 4 or 5 trains and she still aint in it! lerness. then i remembered during this hari raya outing, they waited for me like so long and in the end they hafta pay to the control station b4 being able to get out. then i juz took the next train that came. but then of coz, kynn wasnt in it. coz she was in the other one. the one that came ryte after i boarded the train. damn! so dumb! hahakz! then since i reached b4 her, i had to wait for her. *bluek* i dun lyke waiting for ppl coz im used to making ppl wait for me. hahakz! then i saw khairul anwar!!!! alamak! still soooooooooooooo cute! then i tegur him and talk2 while waiting for kynn to arrive. then i asked for his cellphone number coz he changed it already. so like woo hoo! i got his number! yay~!! hahakz! but he's attached lahz... still wit erwana... but nvm. erwana's sucha sweet gurl. niwae, saw shahryl.... pakai hensem2 seh! hahakz! he was juz wearing this sunglasses... which was nice! but apparently we made jokes outta it saying dat mok looked like a blind person. hahakz! he was waiting for amir. so me and kynn being nice as we always are, decided to accompany him while he wait for amir. wait for amir lyke waiting for armageddon like dat seh. so long! hahakz! niwae, after dat me and kynn went to TM. to look at skirts. then found one cool one at 77th street. then kynn went to try it on. by the way, im not the one getting skirts. kynn is. (its a miracle! hahakz!) but she didnt buy the skirt though. wants to look out for more. then went to search for the eyeliner imah got. i also want seh. but we didnt find it. so she settled for a ZA one instead. then she also bought a plain black tee and a cute pink blouse. so yeah. then we went to eat at bk. she blanja! woo hoo! hahakz! niwae, i had so much fun wit kynn yesterday. guess i missed hanging out wit her. i mean it used to be juz the two of us. ceh! hahakz! only shikynn can make me laff lyke hell! coz she's as crappy as me! hahaz! im gonna meet her later at 5. going bugis. she wants to get a bag and skirt. so yeah. i'll be meeting her ryte after i finish studying wit a fren. meeting my fren at 230 at tamp. and my fren is not fauzan. some of u might think its him. but nah... me and fauzan are not working out... so yeah... there'll probably be less of him in my future entries. but that doesnt mean there'll be less of my love. well, if u noe me well enuff, then u'll noe dat no matter wat i say or wat i do, i love fauzan. even if i contradict that fact. haha. enuff said. well, hope dat today would be a great day for me. oh ya! i might be changing my template soon. coz i find this template depressing ar. its nice and stuffs. i loike it. but i shud look for more happy stuffs! so dat i'll be happy looking at my blog! hahakz! macam2 ar lini... ok den. guess im outta here. since u're done reading my entry, TAG!!!! hehez! LiNi ouT~!! pEacE ya'LL~!!

My LovE FoR yOu wiLL Neva EnD...

2004-07-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

BiTTeR SwEeT MeMoRiEs...

love sucks. i hate love. haha. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. love only eventually leads to hurt. which i am feeling now. urgh! i love u fauzan. and i hate it. i hate the fact that i love u. i hate the fact that i need u. i hate the fact that i want u back. i hate it all. but still, i love u. and dat fact shall neva eva change. trust me. i cherish you. wit all my heart. u will neva be replaced fauzan. i'll be ryte here waiting for u, for ur touch, for the day wen u finally say u'll be mine again. till then, i'll be hoping and praying and wishing for u to return. *missing you*

Back tHen...

2004-07-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

ThoSe wErE tHe DaYs... wiSh i cOuLd jusT gO Back tO tHosE DAys... LiFe waS EaSieR Back tHeN... *sigh*

im juz missing school. ok. not exactly all those homeworks or rules or detentions or teachers. its just dat i was happy back then. happy being me. kinda reminiscing all those memories i had wen i was in sec sch. at least i had something to do back then. somewhere to go. guess dats my problem. im juz too free these days. with nothing to do. hence, all those tiny stuffs bugged me lyke hell. i hafta keep myself occupied. mebbe that way, i wont feel so alone afterall. i noe im not alone. i still have my frens...ryte?

waSsuP wiT mE?!

2004-07-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

This happened on tuesday...

eLLa: i heard the world's gonna end in 50 years time.
mE: 50 years time? why cant it juz end now? it doesnt make any difference to me. end now betta. i hate my life. *starts crying*

next...
eLLa: have u ever seen someone comitting suicide?
mE: Nope. why? do u want to see me commit suicide? u want? u want? u want? *laughs hysterically* (i so meant it though i was laffing)

im depressed. yes i am. i noe i am. isnt it obvious? i've been crying for no rhyme or reason outta sudden lately. everyday i wake up, juz hoping to die. its sucha torture being alive. its a chore to breathe. im tired of it. seriously, i wud juz like to end my life. but i cant. im not allowed to. but if its MY life shudnt i have the right to pick wen i want to end it? i juz want to disappear. i wanna forget anything and everything. it wouldnt make any difference if i were to die today. i dun have anyone. i have nothing. or shud i say I AM NOTHING. i dun see the point of me living. tell me wat im living for? mebbe if i can see the point in me living, i'll probably feel betta. i am like so worthless now. so helpless. vulnerable. lost. weak. hurt. i need someone. who is that someone? and where are u? will someone give me a reason to live? or talk some sense to me. i actually felt a teeny weeny bit betta after i met ella. i probably juz needed someone to talk to. i so need a hug. huggies anyone?

it feels weird writing an entry without even mentioning abt my baby. or shud i say fauzan. well, he asked for some time off this morning. *bluek* i knew something was wrong. he said he's kinda stressed up and stuffs. sheesh. time off. i hate that. im afraid. afraid dat i'll lose him. wait a minute. i dun even have him. sheesh. losing him even before actually having him. ouch. ouch. ouch. cut myself again. ya ya ya. i noe. wadehell were u thinking lini?! dats it. i wasnt thinking. i juz wanted to cut. cut. cut. and cut. no worries. im still alive. though i wished i was dead instead. love sucks. life sucks. i suck. now i feel like cutting again. ok. i so need help. sigh. dun leave me baby. come back soon. i love u so much. sigh. urgh! guess one thing's for sure now...

I NEVER WILL BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR FAUZAN.

My bEsTFreN wHo LighTs uP My LiFe; FaDzLi!

2004-07-21T21:06:00.000-07:00

juZ mE aNd My bEshFreN~!!

sheesh. i've been missing fadzli since yesterday. lyke out of a sudden tot of him. then forwarded him a msg. didnt expect him to forward back though. but he did. hehez. been quite some time since i heard from him. still missing him throughout the day. well till today. wen i woke up, i dunnoe why but i tot of him. weirdness. then i went online. and amazingly he was online!!!! so i got to chat wit him for a while. since sch starts at 9 for him. he didnt feel lyke sleeping after subuh. so he went online at around seven. and he's gonna go to town later after sch which ends at 1 with ban and my baby! hehez. so fun! he gets to see my baby! *bluek* hehez. niwae, its cool to hear from him. since its been ages since i chatted wit him. dunnoe why but it kinda made me happy first thing in the morning. hehez. so fadzli if u're reading this (but i dun think u will. so hudy, if u read this then tell it to him ayte? hehez.), juz wanna say thanks for dunnoe wat... for not forgetting me?? haha! and dat i mish ya lots beshfren! LuRvE ya~!! *a BiG SquisHy HuG TO FadzLi* Take caRe! HopE eVeRyThiNg wiLL bE aLriTe aGaiN! Muaks~!! *silly grin*

Boo

2004-07-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

u were everything, everything dat i wanted... LaLaLa~ hmm... kinda listening to avril lavigne's my happy ending. love this song to bits and pieces! juz downloaded it though. hahakz! lyke so long then download. lazy ar to download. coz later i download wrong one then spoil lah wat lah. *bluek* thats why i always ask ppl to send me songs instead. hehez! ryte now im currently receiving the song "she will be loved" and "look what you've done" from zul. shikynn's ex. hahakz! the transfer rate lyke so slow. sigh. i hafta go to tuition later at 3. it looks lyke its gonna rain. make me even lazier. hehez. i cudnt get out of bed today seh. juz didnt wanna get up. wanna sleep and sleep and sleep. frigging lazy. oh man. i havent really completed my tuition homework! die! hahakz! aniwae, yesterday at around 4 plus i went down to pass mastari this punjabi suit. since today BDS is celebrating racial harmony day, she needs a costume. so she asked me whether i had any she could borrow. so yeah. gave her my phone number so dat she could gimme a buzz when she reached my void deck. apparently i was feeling sleepy and i kinda doze off. but amazingly i heard the phone rang and i instantly woke up. hahakz. it was her. so yeah. went down. tot she came alone. but she came wit her guy. cant remember his name. lemme recall... hmm... khairul anwar i think. that sec 5 guy lahz. hehez. so yeah, she'll be returning it either tml or thursday. hmmz... guess i'll be going home straight after tuition. dat is lyke freaking boring. sigh. i miss my baby. lyke a lot. wonder wat he's doing now. BaBy! BaBy! BaBy! im MiSsiNg yOu! caNt waiT tO sEe yOu aGaiN... but then dunnoe when can see him. obviously not this week. darn. but nvm. absence makes the heart grows fonder. hahakz.oh man. i havent been studying lately. been stuck to the comp. friggin addicted to chatting and stuffs. not good. so not good. i havent even started on accounts man. i think i forgot already! omigawd! lyke so scary. sigh. baby, i think u shud take back my password for msn and friendster. its making it hard for me to get off the comp. *bluek* hmmz... ok lahz... dats all for now. niwae, since each time i ask my baby to tag if he comes to my bloggie, he will claim that he forgot to tag, therefore i shall now end all my entries wit a special reminder for my baby! TaG mE BaBy!!!! LuRve ya! hehez! LiNi ouT~!!

2004-07-19T21:32:00.000-07:00

i LovE eLLa. eLLa LovE mE. *biG HuG*

sobz

2004-07-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

Sigh. i've been feeling down since yesterday. i got no idea why. but its sucha stupid feeling. urgh! cant simply get rid of it. sigh again. shudnt be sighing coz my baby say if i keep on sighing nanti cepat nampak tua. but sigh. i can stop sighing. im kinda crying now. i dunnoe why. its weird. im so sad. so... i dunnoe? i feel so alone. and i hate feeling alone. nothing is making me feel betta. not even my baby. we didnt really msged much yesterday so yeah. it juz freaking add to the amount of sadness im feeling. i dun wanna feel like this. wont somebody come and take me away from here? wont somebody juz kill me or something? i juz dun feel like existing anymore. why cant i juz disappear? wadehell is wrong wit me?! i hate this! i hate me! i hate life! how the hell am i supposed to get thru today? how am i supposed to get thru everyday? why am i crying? why cant i stop crying? where is my baby? where is everybody? dun leave me alone. pls dun. i dun want to feel alone. i need somebody. and mebbe that somebody is you. help me wont u?

2004-07-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

eLLa aNd mE..! nice background ryte? hehez! Hmmz... gurLs in SkirTs... yum yum~!!

2004-07-18T22:33:00.000-07:00

Me aNd TeD... tHe BaSsiSt fRoM pEnsiON sTaTe... ainT hE siMpLy aDoRaBLe?! TeD..! My TeDdy TeD~!! *giggles*

i Carry a smile wen im broken in two...

2004-07-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

heyz~!! its been ages since i updated. dunnoe why i havent been updating. kinda lazy i guess. and each time i wanna update, my lil bro is around and he tends to be sucha pain in the ass. i dun want him reading abt my life. so yeah, i hafta wait till nobody is around then i can update in peace. so hmm... its been almost a week since i updated. cant really recall all those events. *memory loss*

hmmz... went to tuition on tuesday. supposed to be there at 1. and i freaking came at 130. half an hour late. sheesh. was kinda scared ar. coz lyke first tyme i came late. then syaaban called me and ask where am i. i was walking towards the bus stop ar. rushing lyke hell. apparently, his bro msged him and ask me how come im not there yet. sheeshness. well, i hafta be on tyme for the next lesson. lyke duh! hehez! was given a tuition homework which i havent even started on! crap~!! hafta do it later i guess. well, met my baby after tuition. i remembered missing him sooo much! *giggles* had fun being around him. made me love him more. but then i told him i love him and he didnt say it back sincerely... *bluek* kinda bring me down. but didnt wanna think too much abt it. i still love u baby! hehez!

then on wednesday, met my baby again! but he came to my place here ar. apparently he had nowhere to go and his frens wanted to go home but he juz didnt feel lyke going home yet. so he went to the comp lab and stuffs. so yeah, after dat he made his way here. and he looked soooo good~!! i mean he was wearing this shirt and he looked freaking gorgeous in it. my baby sooo handsome! hehez! he shud dress up lyke dat more often. but then if he wear lyke dat then lyke very nice then lyke later lotsa gurls look at him then i'll get jealous! so betta not. hehez! well, spent time with him. keeps saying he loves me. lyke so nice. baby baby... always making me want him more... hehez! baby, if u're reading this, i juz wanna let ya noe that i treasure every single second i spend wit ya. and its wen im with u dat im truly happy! i love u baby! and i noe u love me too! muaks! muaks! muaks! hehez! well, got religious class at nyte. ok lah. got to see my cousin. dats all.

thursday... wat the hell happened on thursday?! err... i got no idea. hahakz! probably slack the whole day. did i? cant remember ar. hehez! so friday, didnt go out. thats for sure. was freaking bored i guess. chatted and chatted and chatted. did aisyah's bloggie. try2 onlie. hehez! doing blogs really take up ur tyme man. cool! hehez! wanted to go out wit ella, nataporn and shikynn but my dad came back and stuffs. so couldnt sneak out like i always do. hahakz! so yeah, got freaking nagged at by mum and dad. mummy's crazy! haha! she have been nagging these few days u noe. and its lyke freakin irritating. and i feel lyke stuffing stuffs inside her mouth to make her shut the fuck up. gosh. cant i juz stay home in peace. why must keep nagging?! it onlie makes me want to run from it all. *bluek*

SaTurday which was yesterday, went out at 2. the only reason i could get outta the house was coz i lied. i told my parents i had tuition from 230 till 430. but of course i didnt go home at 430. hahakz! didnt even intend to go home at that time. well yeah, went to esplanade wit kynn, ella, imah and shahryl. for the baybeats 2004. damn cool man! lotsa peeps was there. and the bands were not bad. pensionstate or something lyke dat ar... cute bassist~!! hehez! his name is ted. took pics wit him, hugged him & talked to him. shahryl got the free cd. basketz! then ask ted sign, lyke cool man! kinda waiting for kynn to send me the pics we took. met najib and his sis, shane and his so called hot gerl, maria, khamsiah, syaf and boy and shikynn's bro. hehez!well, also met my baby there. not accidentally ar. purposely. hehez! he was with fak, hadi, khairul and azuan. whoah, lyke met my baby three times this week. if only every week is lyke this week. hehez! aniwae, it was diff to find him there. lyke too many peeps ar. but finally, i saw my prince charming. looking oh so cute. but got weird haircut lah. hehez! but still cute. i like it wen he wears cap. so nice. hehez! well, went off quite late ar. my dad called a couple of time and i didnt pick up. didnt even call back. was pretty scared ar. lyke i noe im sooo dead. *sigh* aniwae, i reached home at 1130. dats pretty late ar. i used to come back at that time wen i was still schooling. then i stopped coming back late. so yeah, its been some time since i came back dat late. aniwae, my parents went out to look for me. my dad said he looked for me at the whole of bedok. blah blah blah. nobody asked u to look for me lah u ass. then my mum. nagging non stop. saying this saying dat. but hell, i wasnt listening. coz if i did, i noe the words would freaking hurt me. i noe words hurt more then actually getting beaten. i wished i was being beaten instead of listening to them talking. in fact, i wished i was neva born. or mebbe, if only i didnt have any feelings, wudnt that be much much betta. u noe wen parents get angry they tok abt every lil thing. be it last time or now. dats wat my mum did. she talked abt the panadols incident. dat was the last thing i want to hear coming out from her mouth. my dad didnt noe. so he found out last nite. sheesh. he got angry and started to keep pushing my head. *bluek* hate it wen he does dat. and the worst thing is i cant do a shit abt it. so yeah. juz kept quiet. and keeping all the hatred inside me. i hate u dad. i hate u too mum. all i want is for u two to leave me alone and let me be who i want to be. i dun want attention from u. i juz want u to take it as if i am invisible. it'd be betta off dat way. u said u love me? but hey, i dun want u to love me. i cant even feel it. so why bother to love me. get outta my way and i get outta urs. aaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh! i juz wanna runaway from this all. somebody! help me feel betta! baby, where are u? i need u. *LiNi SeaRcHeS FoR FauZaN BuT hE's NowHeRe aRouNd* *sobz* *sobz* *sobz*

well, today is sunday. hope it'll be a betta day for me. gonna do my homework. and hope my baby smses me. hope. dats all dat i can do. fauzan, u're my only hope. i love u more than anyone else in this world. u're my pillar of strength. simply my everything. always needing u. missing ya already. muaks~!! *LiNi givEs FauZaN a biG waRm HuG*

uPdaTes~!!

2004-07-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

ok peeps. im finally updating my bloggie. *applause* hehez! i havent been updating since friday only wat. lerness. hehez! ok here goes.

Friday, 9th JuLy 2004

cant really recall wat i did... *trys to recall* oh ya! went to meet ella, kynn, ayil & nataporn. supposed to meet at 4 but as usual i was late. cant remember how late i was but all i noe is nataporn smsed me saying "tunggu kau macam nak armageddon" or something lyke dat. hahakz! but aniwae, didnt noe he was gonna be there. it seems like ella terserempak him at far east bk. he was eating wit his fren. so after dat he followed us ar. which is cool coz its been quite some time we heard from him. tot he die already or wat. hehez. kidding~!! so yeah, waited for kynn like freaking long! ppl hungry already. dunnoe why she finished poly so late for that day. according to her, her group was the first one to present but then the other groups are lyke taking ages to finish presenting. hence it ended late. well dats wat she claims. hehez! aniwae, after she came, we went to puncak to eat! Lyke yummy~!! i ate oyster sauce chicken noodles as usual. its like my fav! hehez! i think kynn was the one who introduced that dish to me. thanks kynn! lurve ya! hehez! after dat, we went to chill at mac'd. messed around wit kynn's laptob. crack jokes and stuffs. all in all, it was a fun day for me. but then again, went home and got scolded by my dad. well as usual, he had to spoil it. nagged abt some lame stuffs. unreasonable freak. shall not write abt wat he scolded it. shud juz forget abt it. *bluek* i hate u dad! well yeah, at least my baby was there to comfort me. thanks baby~!! i love u! *big hug* ok dats how my friday went... so yeah... next~!!

SaTuRdaY, 10th JuLy 2004

hmm... went to tuition. from 1230 till 3. well, it was coz we didnt really start tuition at 1230 sharp. abg ramadhan (the name of my tuition teacher, who is also ban's bro) talk2 to ella first ar. discussing some stuffs i guess. was missing my baby. so i smsed him. and he said something sweet. well i find it pretty sweet ar. i was like asking him wat he was doing and he replied something like i was thinking of u then u msg me. like awwww baby! thats so sweet u noe! u were freaking thinking of me!!! i find it pretty sweet ar... dunnoe abt u guys out there... but yeah... Love my baby to bits and pieces! hehez! so yeah, tuition ended and i went to town wit ella. to once again, eat at puncak! and of course, i ate the same dish i did yesterday. which was oyster sauce chicken noodle! hehez! yum yum yum! i can neva get sick of it! juz like i can neva get sick of my baby! hehez! aniwae, we went there to eat only. thats all. then went to mac'd and bought large fries. it was freaking nice man! it was piping hot! headed to the bus stop and took bus number 14 home. long ride home. reached home at 6 lyke dat. cant recall wat i did for the rest of the day. i think i got back my passwerd for my msn acc today. oh ya! went online and stuffs after so long. everyone was like asking why i havent been online for so long. ceh! ppl miss me seh! thank you! thank you! hehez! oh yeah, got this boy he was like asking me to be his gf and stuffs... but i said no... coz i dun really noe him... have juz been chatting wit him... dunnoe much abt him... so yeah... and besides, i onlie want my baby!!!! *Muaks* ok, i guess dats abt it for saturday. next~!!

SunDay, 11th JuLy 2004

hmm... woke up kinda late. at around 11. but i was supposed to wake my baby up at 745 then i suddenly woke up at 755 or something ar. like late already. then panicked. hehez! then i found out he woke up at 730 already. lerness ar my baby. but nvm. i still love him. hehez! then after, i went back to sleep till 11. since my mum wasnt around, i got to wake up in peace. usually she'll be nagging and stuffs. or switching on the tv at high volume. grr! niwae, didnt do much. followed my mum to her fren's house. her fren juz got outta hospital. so yeah. visiting. but then they gossip2 lyke so long. i was freaking bored there. sms my baby then he take so long to reply! baby baby... always keeps me waiting for his smses... hehez! oh ya! before dat he was studying, then i asked him to sms me after he's done studying. and he replied me this "ala. i mish u alot man. ok lar baby. after i've finished studying den i'll sms u back ok baby. i love u. mish ya! Muakss! =p" like damn! so sweet! sweet lyke candy! hehez! dat really made my day. so yeah, basically my sunday was spent smsing him. and kinda chatted at nite. but not wit him ar. hmm... there's this other guy who keeps calling me sayang. lyke lerness. he asked me whether im attached anot. then i say not anymore. then he was like good. i've been waiting for u. like oooookay. and he wants to meet me this fri. but i dun think i want to... he was like pls sayang! pls! lyke err... dat kinda freaked me out. hahakz! niwae, waited for my baby to wish me nytez but he didnt... guess he fell asleep again. *bluek* dun want to fren him ar! hehez! nah... how can i go thru life without my baby? hehez! ok thats all for sunday.

MoNDay, 12th JuLy 2004

ok... lyke finally... the update for today... hahakz! well, kinda bored now. my baby is of course in sch. which is partly the reason why im bored. and wen im bored i tend to miss him more. so baby, i MiSs yOu so BaD! *LiNi givEs HeR BaBy a BiG FaT HuG aNd KiSseS HiS cHeEks* hehez! niwae, im all alone at home. my mum went to johore. she asked me if i wanted to come along. she ASKED. so it means i have a choice. therefore, i said no. hahakz! and now here i am staring at the comp. havent bathe though it 1.16pm. and it jzu started raining. which makes it too cold for me to bathe for now. hehez! im kinda hungry. i dunnoe if my mum cooked before she left. all i noe is dat she asked me to cook rice later. coz basically there aint any left. which means i have nothing to eat. lerness. i wanna go get food at the hawker centre. but its raining. *sigh* hmm... wish my baby is not feeling cold... wish i could be there to keep him warm. i LovE yOu BaBy! (how many times must say lah? hehez!) kinda chatting... hmm... wat else to write eh? oh ya! must write something for ella. hmm... kinda read her blog juz now. and she was saying something abt her mum nagging. so yeah, hmm... ella, wen ur mum nags, juz ignore her. hahakz! dat doesnt sound lyke a good advice. but yeah, ignore lah. all mothers are like that. my mum is the ultimate nagger! i juz ignore lahz. she want to talk she talk ar. ye kan je lahz. usually wen she nag, i think abt other stuffs. like food or something ar. hehez! u shud try. or u can sing to urself, i mean in ur head the song "shut up" by black eyed peas. ceh! promote lagu seh lini! hehez! nah... i mean thats wat i do wen my mum starts nagging ar. and hmm... dun run away from home lah ella. i also wanted to runaway from it all lyke sooo many times. but i juz stayed. juz calm urself down. everything will be alrite soon. no need to runaway runaway nie semua. doesnt do any good. and besides we're 17 and we have nowhere to run to wat. so yeah. hmm... mebbe u wanna try getting into ur mum's good book by pleasing her or something. im sure she nags for a reason ryte. try pleasing her ar. niwae, u take care ayte? dun do anything dat u might regret later on in ur life. so yeah, i lurve u ella! *big hug* hehez. hmm... wat else to write eh? oh ya... i kinda received this msg from amir. he smsed me at 1.36 am. it goes a little something like this "good night.. u would surely be sleeping now.. i jus don feel right not messaging u and wishing u good night.. so here i am, doing so.. well, good night dear.." lyke whoah... kinda sweet man! but yeah i was asleep. saw the msg in the morn. then said thanks to him for being so sweet. hehez! but my baby's still the sweetest! (LiNi tak abis2 ngan baby dier! hehez!) hmmz... ok lah... like sooo long seh this entry. thanks for reading peeps~!! tag after reading! thanks! hehez! LiNi ouT~!!

[i LeaRneD whaT LovE iS By LoviNg yOu...]

DowN aNd ouT~!!

2004-07-08T22:34:00.000-07:00

sheesh. have u ever woke up in the morning feeling so down without knowing the reason why? dats wat i felt the instance i woke up this morning. so down. lyke -heh-. i dunnoe wats wrong. juz pretty moodless. wish someone could cheer me up. and im so bored now. which so doesnt help. makes me feel so alone. -heh- again. lets not talk abt it. hmm... my mum bought me breakfast this morning. nasi lemak~!! at least i had something yummy. its kinda time for lunch now. so im probably gonna eat after i finish writing this entry. hmm... im gonna have tuition tml at 1230 till 230. dunnoe where to go after dat. shud i juz head home? but like wadehell, semangat go home straight. mebbe i'll ask my baby out to study or something. hope he wants to. if he dun want to then guess i'll head home lah. oh man, i havent been studying lately. no idea why. sheeshness. i think im gonna try to study later ar. hafta force myself to do so. four months left only. *sigh* eh ella!! why u say my baby "anti-social" ar?! pui~!! dun want to fren u already... anyhow say my baby like dat.. ceh! protective seh lini! hehez! hmm... i think im going out later... which means im not gonna study. basket! hahakz! ur fault lah ella! ask me out for wat? cuci mata eh?! wheeeeee! so long neva cuci mata! hope there are cute guys at town later. wat day is it again? today's friday ryte? hmm... hope got lotsa adorable guys for me to look at! but then my eyes *ahem* is *ahem* set on *ahem* MY BABY~!! hehez! *Missing My BaBy tO tHe cOrE* i wanna see my baby! i hope he smses me later~!! lerness. hahakz! ok lah... enuff of all this shit. LiNi ouT~!!

[yOu'Re tHe guy i cOuLdnT LivE wiTHouT~!! i MiSs yOu sO BadLy~!! HopinG yOu MiSs mE tOo~!! Muaks! *big hug*]

HiGgLeDy-piGgLeDy~!! it does not have anything to do wit pigs! hehez!

2004-07-07T23:45:00.000-07:00

heyz. tyme for new entry. hahakz! later ella complain coz neva update my bloggie. ella, u betta tag if u're reading this~!! no fair u noe. i go to ur bloggie and tag. then u come to mine and neva tag! hehez! aniwae, the previous entry was friggin short so lets make this entry slightly longer ayte. so hmm... wat did i do yesterday? oh ya! my mum woke me up yesterday at around 6 lyke dat. then she mumbled somthing abt going to someone's funeral. i hate it wen someone wakes me up. dunnoe why. i'd rather wake up myself. i'll get all weird if someone wakes me up and straightaway talks to me. the person will either get ignored or screamed at. hehez! niwae, my granny's sis passed away yesterday and i had to go to the funeral at bishan. i didnt feel anything. like im supposed to be sad and stuffs but hey, i dun even noe how she looked like. hence i was numb of any feelings. but wen i was there and i saw people crying and stuffs, i cudnt help but feel upset. *sigh* i dun like funerals!!! sheesh. my dad and sis didnt go. onlie me, my mum and my two lil bros. supposedly had tuition at 12. and was rushing to get back home before 12 to change and head for class but then tuition was cancelled. but i didnt tell my mum. hehez! i pretended i had tuition but instead i went out. notty lini! went to town and met shikyn, ella, aisyah and zali. then after some time, ella's "fren", sazali joined us. hmm... he's pretty cute. go for him ella! dun worry i wont take him! i onlie want one person! ceh~!! hehez! aniwae, sazali is really good at teaching ppl where to aim during pool and stuffs. cool man! but hmm... in the middle of the pool session (ceh! pool session seh! hehe!), i left ar. sorry guys~!! wud have loved to hang out wit u guys longer. but u noe lah... understand understood je lah! hehez! well, i met my baby! my swit swit baby who claims that he came all the way to town to meet me. lyke real only! u went to town to eat ryte baby? hehez! well baby, it was great spending time wit ya. i juz love being in ur arms. its like sucha wonderful feeling. its like where i belong. i dunnoe abt u but thats how i feel ar. i lurve lookin at u. dun ask me why. hehez! but then again sometimes i juz dun want to love again. lyke tired of all the stuffs dat love has got to offer. i dunnoe why sometimes i am juz numb of any feelings. i juz dun feel anything for fauzan. but then there are times wen i feel like i love him alot. i dunnoe man. higgledy-piggledy.(which actually means "in complete confusion") sometimes i really want him back. sometimes i juz feel like we can neva get back coz the hurt juz wont go away. plus it'd be hard to trust him all over again. so yeah, we're probably neva gonna get back togeda unless he can prove to me ar. for now, i dun think there is ever gonna be "lini & fauzan" anymore. sheesh. hurts wen i think of it dat way. oh crap man. im confused lah. aint sure of my feelings. heck lah! dun wanna think abt this~!! alamak~!! hungry ar! havent ate man. btw, went to send my lil bro to sch juz now. after that head back home straight. first time seh. usually i wud go hang out somewhere or wat. then come back late. hehez! niwae, i saw harith's dad inside the bus man. he was like sitting at the seat beside mine. not exactly side by side ar. the seat beside my seat. geddit?! hehez! but its kinda near ar. i was like looking down and avoiding eye contact. hope he didnt recognise me! scary lah! eventhough im not wit harith anymore, his dad juz gives me the creeps! freaky man~!! aniwae, i wanted to get the $8 top up card at the shop nearby. but then its outta stock! lerness. then now i cant top up coz i onlie got $8. cant get the $18 one. darn~!! then i cant sms my baby anymore. *sigh* hope he still smses me even wen im outta credit. like lemme noe he's thinking of me. like swit like dat ryte? *dreamy look* hehez! ok lah. like headache ar. havent eat and stuffs. well, LiNi ouT~!!

[My HearT iS FuLL aNd My dOoR's aLwayS oPeN. yOu caN cOmE aNytiMe yOu waNt. pLeaSE dOnT tRy sO HaRd tO SaY gOodByE. yOu wiLL bE LovEd.]

ShuDDup! juZ ShuDduP sHuDduP!

2004-07-06T04:28:00.000-07:00

gggrrrrrrrr! so noisy ar my mum! nag and nag and nag! im lyke so tired already then she nag! bloody pissed lahz. still have my tuition homework to do. have tuition at 12 tml. mebbe going to my old sch to follow my frens take their o level cert. i kinda took it todae. wit err... my fren. niwae, i saw a couple of peeps and exchanged a few werds and waved and stuffs. nothing much ar. felt weird to be back in sch. lerness. aniwae, got back home at 6. quite early for me ar. hehez. hmm... ok lah... had fun... *winkz* hmm... lyke nothing much to write now lahz... dunnoe why... well, im outta here~!! i LovE FauZaN..! *huggies*

[MR JeLLy~!! YuM yuM yuM~!! *giggles*]

sOmEbOdy SavE mE..!

2004-07-04T00:19:00.000-07:00

sheesh... wats the meaning of boredom? this is it. i am friggin bored~!! why got nobody to entertain me?! hehez! my mum juz called and ask wat do we want to eat. and we said in unison, "mushroom swiss!!!" hehez! so im kinda waiting for my mushroom swiss to arrive! yum yum~!! im also waiting for somebody to msg me. from juz now~!! lerness. later then i sms dat person ar. for now, i hafta find something else to relieve me of my boredom. hmm... lemme recall wat i did yesterday... yesterday also freaking bored! stayed home the whole day and basically did nothing. juz slack in front of the tv. went to have dinner outside wit my parents and my lil bros. juz at the hawker centre nearby. but it was nice. oh ya! my assholic lil bro, saiful, he asked me this question last nite while we were eating ar. "kak ni! kak ni dah break ngan fauzan eh?" basket sia! if want to ask oso, ask wen my parents not around lahz. i was scared sia. then my dad gave me this nonchalant stare. said nothing. my mum was like "fauzan? yg lini ambik gambar yg kat dlm comp tu eh?" crap man! i juz said "jgn mepek ar. mane ader seh. ntah ar. ape aje." freaky man! luckily my bro drop the topic. neva keep bugging me to asnwer. but he asked again ar. wen my parents was walking in front. then i juz said "a ar. dari dulu kak ni cakap kak ni dah break ngan fauzan abeh tak nak caye." then i juz walk away ar. then later i ask him how he knew. then he said his beshfren told him abt my bloggie. lerness! so ameera(saiful's bestfren), if u're reading this or wat, juz wanna say some stuffs ar. even if u read my blog and stuffs, can u like not report to my bro abt all this?! lyke freaking irritating u noe. the last thing i want is to have my lil bro reading my stuffs. can u stop bothering about my life juz because u have none? go get urself a life ar. take my bro wit ya! ok. let it all out already. phew~!! ok aniwae, i miss fauzan~!! today is like the 4th of july. supposedly our 4th month anniversary. *sobz* so sad! but nvm... its also my one month of being single... onlie one month?! sheeshness... feel lyke sooooooo long... hahakz! guess days without fauzan are juz oh so long. *sigh* ok lemme say some stuffs to fauzan. zanny, i still love u. i still wished u'd come back to me. i still want you. i still need u. dun ask me why. i juz do. i miss u sweets. wen u left, u took a part of me wit u. and now, i feel so empty. and without u, im lost. onlie u can make cry. onlie u can hurt me. and baby, only u can make me smile. only u can light up my life. though u dun feel the same way, i will always love u fauzan. always. *hugs*

[i aM nObOdy wiThouT sOmeoNe LyKe yOu.]

err...

2004-07-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

MoRniNgz~!! went to johor yesterday. with my mum and my sis. not bad ar. quite fun. went to upah our baju raya somewhere at johor there ar. my mum said we used to upah our baju there wen we were lil kids. sheesh. i cudnt recall but my sis still remember though. hehe. aniwae, the auntie was nice. its like my mum always wanted the auntie to sew the clothes like loose2... then like not nice coz like the thingy supposed to be fitting ar. so aniwae, my mum as usual told the autie to make the thing as loose as possible. then the auntie scold my mum. haha. she said "aiya auntie! u orbit ar! skarang mana ada anak2 dara pakai baju longgar2! semua fitting2 ar! longgar2 mana lawa!" haha. farnie sia she. then me and my sis was like cool man. then we agree wit the auntie ar. then my mum was like laffing and laffing. then she say ok lah. as long as nice. haha. cute experience man. haha. then we went to this place called angsana or something. my mum went to the bookstore and me and my sis went around the building looking for stuffs to buy. nothing much to get. saw this real cute bag. up till now, i still wondering why i didnt get that bag. now i want it so bad! my sis also thinking why she didnt get it. at least if one of us gets it, then we can share ar. stuffs sisters do. haha! but hmm... i bought this cool earring... i wanted to get this other one. lyke buy two. then my mum was like how many earrings do u want?! so like nvm ar... next time mebbe... oh and i got this pink cap! woo hoo! its pink and i love it! but then i dunnoe where to wear it to. haha! hmm... today is shahryl's bdae! HapPy BirThDay To yOu..! HapPy BirThDay tO yOu..! HapPy BiRthDay tO SHaHryL..! HApPy BiRtHDaY tO yOu..! May aLL uR wisHes ComE tRuE bRo..! sheesh... u guys are gonna go eat at seoul garden later... i wanna go~!! but then tuition starts today... *sigh* then u guys will like be having fun and stuffs. oh man! i sooooo wanna go! *sobz* or at least meet u all before or after my class ar... like so fun! gather2 all dat... wheeeeeeee! some more its shahryl's bdae... my brader's bdae... hahakz! sounds farnie... aniwae, hope dat i'll be able to see u guys around or something... hmm... im scared to join the tuition class todae... like i'll be alone and stuffs... scary~!! hahakz! lini lini... like dat also want to scared... crazy ar?! hahakz! wat to wear eh? *thinks* cheh... like as if going on a date like dat... hehez! aniwae, chatted with fadzli last nite... like after so long! seldom see him online lately... been wondering wat he's been up to... forgot ur bestfren eh fadzli?! hehez! i MiSs yOu bEshfweN..! u miss me too ryte ryte ryte? come on... admit it... hahakz! crazy ar... later ur gf scold... haha! nah... ur gf is sucha nice gurl ryte? so the beautiful! *winkz* ok lah... i wanna go kemas rumah... cheh... so rajin seh... hahakz! kinda waiting for my mum to get me food from the market... *hungry* hehe! LuRve ya'LL..! *muacks* *huggies* LiNi ouT~!!

[No LovE BuT yOurS wiLL eVeR dO... TeLL mE How aM i SuPpoSed tO LivE My LiFe wiThouT yOu... iM sTiLL iN LoVe wiT ZaNny ZaN..! *MisSing HiM BadLy*]

oMiGaWd..! iM sO sCaReD..!

2004-06-29T16:42:00.000-07:00

AaAaAaAaRRRRgggGGHHHH..! i am sooooo pissed. lyke to the ultimate man. it lyke 7.43 in the morn and i bathe already. why? coz my idiotic mum woke me up at 6.55 and asked me to get ready and send my lil bro to sch. wadehell. so i got up and went to bathe. put on my make-up and stuffs in the bathroom. and when i went out, guess wat?! they're gone. my mum sent my lil bro instead! dat is sooo not farnie. lyke u fucking hell woke me up and insist that i send him and in the end u sent him???? fucker lah! my gawd!!!! im soooooooo pissed!!!!! early in the morn want to spoil my mood!!!! then juz now she said after that follow her go johore. wadehell again. i hate it when she make plans for me. i tot we agreed on going to johore on sunday. with my sister as well. DoubLE AaAaAaAaRRRrrrrGGGgGGggggHHHH..! *breathe in, breathe out* ok. im calming down. Now wadehell am i supposed to do. nvm. nvm. im so gonna scold my mum as soon as she gets back. so wat if u're my mum. it doesnt give u the rite to piss me off the way u did. aniwae, my lil bro is off to camp. which is great news for me! one less lil bro to bug the shit outta me. haha! now next, last nite i kinda typed an entry already. was abt to click "publish post", wen suddenly everything blacked out. i was freaking shocked! it was all total darkness. lucky for me, my hp was nearby and it has that torchlight feature. phEw~!! my hp wasnt that useless afterall huh... hehez! but everyone was panicking... and my dad was like do we have any candles at home? of course not! gendengz. but then my lil bro said he has two of those fragrant candles. so we kinda used them instead. and since my other lil bro was going to camp, he obviously bought a new torchlight. so we had two candles, *ahem* my cellphone and a torchlight. it was friggin hot ar. the fan werent werking. so yeah, me and my lil bros stood outside our house. looked around everywhere in total darkness. somehow it was rather cool. its like everyone was in such a vulnerable state. and i was damn scared! seriously man. and all those weird tots started to flood my mind. and u noe wat? the only thing i wanted to do then was to find fauzan and tell him how much i love him. pretty weird. it was like wat if yesterday was the last day of my life, wud fauzan noe how much he means to me. lerness. lini lini. *shakes head* i really love fauzan alot ar. *sigh* so aniwae, lets try to write abt stuffs dat happened yesterday. i kinda met nufail. i mean me and ella was studying at a void deck nearby. and suddenly nufail appeared (sheesh, i make her sound like some kinda magician. hehez!). she was playing the swing. and i was like omigawd! dats nufail! i quickly rushed over and gave a big hug! i missed her soooo much! oh, she was with a fren of hers. kadir ryte? eh nufail, he's cute ar! i like his eyes! so friggin nice! i almost got lost looking into his eyes! hahakz! shhhhh! dun tell him ayte nufail? paiseh ar... *giggles* okok. shud stop this. hehez! aniwae, i cant wait to go watch the movie "mean girls" wit ya'll. i mean shikin, aisyah, ella and fateha. well, dats wat we planned. the show like very nice ar! like so mean! meanie linie! hahakz! can learn from the show. haha! ok lah... till here then, adios amigos! sayonara! chaoz! slamatz! toodles! bye~!!

p/s: i Love FauZaN aLoT aNd aLoT..! aNd i MiSs HiM sO BaD..! i waNNa SeE HiM..! *sobz*

[iTs HaRd kNowiNg yOu, LoviNg yOu, LoSiNg yOu. iTs SaD tO bE tRuE aNd bE FooLeD bY yOu. i duNNoe. sHud i sTay oR sHud i Go?]

blank

2004-06-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

oh crap... menses cramp... hate it~!! my sis was like lini, i think u shud take the menses panadol to reduce the pain. and im like no way. sheesh... i have a phobia of pills. mebbe some of u noe why. but yeah, since then, i hated the sight of pills. juz the word panadol can make me go all queasy and stuffs...-bluek- aniwae, im all alone at home now... everyone's out. so yeah, i have the whole house to myself now. peace at last. hehez! but i hafta do a lil bit of cleaning up though. hmm... *MiSsiNg FauZaN RyTe Now* oops! not supposed to write dat out! oh wat crap... hehez! aniwae, i dun really have much to write for today... lerness... im hungry ar~!! hmm... after this entry, im gonna clean up the house. then eat. then start studying. so yeah... hmmz... ella found her will to study again... where did she find it?! in the cupboard while she was cleaning it. hahakz! well, thats wat she claims! dun blame me if it sounded lame! hehez! but im real glad dat she found it... sorry if i cant go study wit ya ella~!! hafta take care of the house... u can come over if u want to... but i doubt so... hehez! juz keep studying aight! *winkz* oh! i came across this question at the frenster bulletin and stuffs... and i tot it'd be good to place my answer here as well... so here goes nothing...

18.) If you're gonna die tomorrow, what will
you say to your ex?
-sorry for everything i ever did to hurt u. thanks for making my life worth living. may u be happy always wit the one u love who loves u too. whenever u feel alone, remember dat i have always loved u and even after im gone, i'll keep loving u. u're my angel fauzan. smile always. it lights up the world. *huggies*

so..? wat do u guys think..? its weird coz i juz typed out watever i felt like typing. then wen i read it, i was pretty amazed at my own answer... hahakz! lyke sooo touching. hahakz! i asked aisyah and shikyn abt their opinion and stuffs... and they were like hey its sweet and stuffs... so i tot mebbe u guys out there might feel the same way... or mebbe u guys may think its cheesy... hahakz! but yeah, i meant watever i answered for the question. *winkz* well, im outta here. LiNi ouT~!!

ReaD..! ReaD..! ReaD..!

2004-06-26T23:01:00.000-07:00

Here's some stuffs i feel lyke saying to some of u peeps out there... im juz bored lahz... hehez!

ShiKyN
the first one is for u... hmm... it was great seeing u yesterday. lyke hanging out and stuffs. since i get to see u less often then i used to, guess i kinda missed u. *huggies* (alamak! yesterday neva get to hug u ar... forgot!! hehez!) aniwae, u always manage to put a smile across my face. no wonder u're my beshfwen! hehez! sorry if i ever did anything to piss u off. i noe i always do ar. but i mean no harm. hehez! u're gonna start poly again tml. so yeah, hope we can still hang out and stuffs. im happy that u'll get to see zul tml again. then can lepaskan rindu ryte? hehez! oh ya... happy one month anniversary~!! *giggles* juz gimme a buzz at ma crib or u can text me at ma cellphone. if ever u need anything, i'll be right here aight? i love u shikyn! i dunnoe wat i'll be without u! u rock~!! dun ever change~!! *winkz*

sHa sHa
Sheesh... i didnt get to see u yesterday! u went off early and i came late... darn! wanted to see u... lyke so long neva see u... obviously i miss u..! *huggies* shud have came earlier then can get to see u... anyway, hope u're doing ok... and erm... happy five months anniversary~!! glad u guys are lasting long... aniwae, thanks for lending a listening ear when i needed someone to talk to... thanks for all ur advices... thanks for being a superb fren... thanks for being u~!! hehez! i dunnoe wats dat supposed to mean... but heck lahz... sounded nice... hehez! and if ever u need someone to confide in, i noe i may not be the best choice for u. but juz wanna let u noe that i'll always be here. anytime. anyday. and erm... im sorry if i ever hurt ur feelings in anyway... when i was joking or wat... dun take it to heart k? hehez! aight den... i LovE yOu sHa sHa..! tHis iS oNe oF tHe BesT FrieNdsHiPs EvEr..! *grinz*

eLLa
ok ella... its ur turn... kwang kwang kwang... aniwae, can we study togeda?! hahakz! ingatkan ape eh... skali study togeda... hehez! and btw, i didnt take ur will to study... i found my own will to study... ur will to study is still wit ya... u hafta find it all over again... i'll help u find it... i noe ur reason for u wanting to work... i noe i cant do much to help... but ella, i care for u and i want to see u succeed in life... im not saying dat u aint going to succeed or wat... *sigh* i hope u get wat im trying to say... i'll try to be here for u... i'll try to help u out in anyway i can... remember im always one call away... *LiNi sings* sorry ar... fav song ar... hehez! ok now im gonna apologise for any wrong doings i did towards u... soRRy guRL~!! and i really appreciate ur care and concern, ur great advices dat always got me thinking but im too strong-headed to heed it... so yeah, i LuRvE yOu eLLa..! duN EvEr givE uP..! *smilez*

err... i guess thats it ar... juz for shikin, aisyah and ella... my closest fwens... the one that makes my life worth living... *winkz* no offence to the rest ar... but they juz rock my world~!! i still love u guys out there..! no worries... hehez! pEaCe ya'LL~!!

thinking

2004-06-26T22:41:00.000-07:00

hmm... kinda listening to the 1st ladi song... wheeee~!! aniwae, kinda feeling tired. from yesterday outing i guess. but then i onlie stayed for a while. i mean at first i wanted to go. then my dad was home and i cudnt get outta the house. like darn! but at 4 like dat, he went out. to meet his fren or something. aniwae, i then went out to join them ar. i was pretty lost coz they didnt tell me where exactly they are. lyke gendengz ar. told ya'll to tell me specifically ur location. u all want to pick me up lah wat lah. i dun want to trouble u all lah. Lerness. hehez! aniwae, reached at abt 5 plus ar. i got to ride the bike for a while. its been ages since i rode a bike. so i kinda almost fell down. lucky nobody saw. hahakz! but then i got the hang of it then i started riding as usual ar. it was cool. but my butt hurt lah. since long time already neva ride it. hehez! aniwae, took a couple of pics using shikin's digi cam. woo hoo! eh shikin, im waiting for u to upload it lahz! faster!!! hehez! niwae, we left east coast around 7 like dat. then me, shikin and ella went to bedok mac and eat. we talk and talk. and laff like hell. shikin was having hiccups and i was like teasting her constantly. oh man! i wish i had recorded it. hahakz! aniwae, me and shikin talked to ella abt her education and stuffs. sheeshness... its sad hearing abt her situation. wish i cud help her out and stuffs. *sigh* oh ya, yesterday was shikin's one month anniversary with zul! so here's wishing them happy one month! and may u have a whole load of anniversary to celebrate in the future! may u guys always love each other! may u guys be happy always! best wishes to u two~!! hmm... it was aisyah's 5 months anniversary wit zali too! so yeah, HapPy FivE MonTHs AnnivErsaRy To aiSyaH aNd zaLi..! May u guyS bE HapPy TogeThEr aNd LasT FoR eTeRniTy..! TreaSuRe EacH oThEr aLwayS aighT..? *winkz* alamak... i got no anniversary to celebrate. lerness. make me feel so lonely. kwang3. hahakz! celebrate being single? hmmz... i'll consider that. hahakz! well, LiNi ouT~!!

ShEesH...

2004-06-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

i dun feel lyke writing much lately... i dunnoe why... juz dun feel like it... weirdness... but everything's ok i guess... but there are times when i feel so down outta sudden... that stupid hurt is like haunting me... sheesh... why cant it juz go away?! juz leave me alone ar... *sigh* but aniwae, i went to study wit hafiz yesterday... and it was cool... i mean its a rare occasion that i actually sit down and study... i mean really study... was supposed to meet him at two but as usual, princess lini was late... i came at 220 like dat... and started studying at bedok mac... it was kinda noisy but it doesnt really affect me ar... i'll probably fall asleep in quiet environments... hehez! so yeah, went off at abt 6 plus... got home, felt pretty tired since i wake up at 7 daily juz to give someone a wake up call... its not that im complaining or anything... but i dunnoe if that person actually appreciates it... *sigh* aniwae, i dun feel like talking much here... so yeah, hope to see my fwens tml... mebbe we'll go have fun at east coast tml or something... LiNi out~!!

cHecK ThiS sOnG ouT~!!

2004-06-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

This is like a great song u noe... another song that reminds me of fauzan... so yeah, love the lyrics and stuffs... this is for u fauzan...

Nobody Knows
by Tony Rich Project

Wish I'd told her how I feel
Maybe she'd be here right now
But instead

I pretended I'm glad you went away
These four walls are closin' more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm cryin' inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a tumbling down
I can say it so clearly but you're nowhere around

(Chorus)
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm trembling inside
And nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it's a quarter past 3
I'm screamin' at night as if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah my heart is calling you
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now
You know I'll be lovin' you still

(Chorus)

Tomorrow mornin' I'm hitting the dusty road
Gonna find you wherever, ever you might go
I'm gonna unload my heart and hope you come back to me
Said when the nights are lonely

(Chorus) x3

im hungry~!!

2004-06-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

hmmz... i didnt really write abt wat i did yesterday huh... well here goes, i went to study for a while wit err... a fren... so yeah, it was ok... at least i learnt a lil something... hehez! then after dat, i went to meet suhaila... she's been asking me out for two days already. kept turning her down. felt bad so i met her after i studied ar. then we went to meet shahryl and amir at simei. they were playing pool at the arcade. it was like so lame! haha. make us go all the way to simei for nothing. then we went to tampines. walked from simei to tampines. tot it was kinda far. was complaining and complaining. kept saying "im a princess. i shudnt be walking." haha! but i realised it wasnt that far afterall... was kinda cool ar... hehez! aniwae, reached tamp and we went to kampung chai chee there... we all didnt have money to eat. haha. waited for fateha to come and she ordered two dishes and we shared among five of us. haha! after dat, they were discussing abt this saturday thingy. sheesh. i didnt plan to come. then they were like asking me "u're coming rite?!" i said mebbe... then kena scold... hahakz! its like i MUST come... so yeah, i'll probably come... sounds like fun... HbG and 6 jahanam getting togeda... hahakz! reached home at 8... bathe and stuffs... then i slept at 11 plus i think... *yawn* woke up at 7 this morning... woke somebody up at 730... then i bathe and stuffs... so now im rite here doing this thingy... its 10... hmmz... im gonna go study at 2... i'll probably go off at 5 plus ar... cant really stay long... hmm... i guess im gonna start tuition tml... im kinda scared... coz like im alone... hahakz! good luck to me! hahakz~!! eh i write so long then neva mention fauzan's name... (i guess some of u must be rolling ur eyes now. hehez!) ok... shall write something abt fauzan. he looks good without tapered pants ar... sheesh... hehez! i love u once. i love u twice. i love now as i always have. i love u fauzan! yes i do! wheeeeeeee~!! nothing much to write abt him ar. he's ok i guess. probably happy and stuffs. sometimes i juz feel like i want him back so badly! then i hafta calm myself down. *sigh* well niwae, my beshfwen is soooo sweet! he got *ahem* a necklace!!! lyke sooo cool! hehez! *ahem* is like so happy! and im like happy that they are happy! tumpang2 happiness onlie eh lini... hehez! i must be happy~!! wheeeeeeee~!! oh ya! i miss u shikin~!! and aisyah~!! miss u guys like aloT... hope u guys are doing great! *winkz* hmm... i have added fiza at msn yesterday... got to chat wit her for awhile... it was cool man! looking forward to chatting wit her again... juz made new fwens~ woo hoo~ hehez! crazy liaoz... enuff of it... LiNi ouT~!!

[EvEn iF iT aLwaYs DoEsnT sHow, i Have aLwayS caRed FoR yOu. i HavE aLwaYs LovE yOu. i Have aLwayS MiSs yOu. i Do waNt yOu BacK. *sigh*]

2004-06-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

heyz... i kinda got this thingy from somebody's blog. it kinda says watever it all. like watever i want to say to fauzan. so yeah, i think its pretty cool. well, its from a gurl's bloggie. i think her name is fiza or something. its a song from i dunnoe who. and i dun even noe the title. but its playing at her bloggie. and i love it man! aniwae, read a couple of her entries and she seems like a cool gurl. probably feeling something like wat im feeling. kinda feel lyke making frens wit her... but how eh? hehez~!! fiza, if u're reading this, wanna be frens or something? hehez~!!

Title: [i have no freaking clue!]
Artise: [i seriously have no idea!]

baby i love u
and i will never let u go
all the love we made
can never be erased
and i promised u that u will never be replace
i love u
yes, i do..
ill be with u as long as u want me to
until the end of time
frm the dae i met u
i noe we wil be togther
now i noe i wanna be with u forever
i want to marry u
and i wanna have the kids
i can say i am truly happy till dae
i regret not having u by my side
baby i love u
and i will never let u go

hmm...

2004-06-22T03:24:00.000-07:00

well, its kinda raining now... like suddenly rain... cool! hmm... hudy, u want details rite? so yeah... me and ziza? hmm... we're frens ar... but i dunnoe if we can go back to being all happy like we used to be... but for now, yes, we are frens... fauzan wants her back... and i dunnoe... guess im letting go... but i do admit im sad, it hurts real bad... (haha! dats from a song lah... but true ar!) anyway, i hope ziza can make him happy... ziza, u betta treat him good if u accept him or else i kick ur ass!!! and dun hurt him! and dun make him cry! hahakz! nah... its ur choice... if u wanna be with him, then go ahead... there's nothing i can do abt it... yes, i still love him... but there's this saying that goes "if u love someone, the only thing u'll ever want is to see him happy even if it means u're not part of it" so now, all i want is to see fauzan happy... if he's happy, then im happy. if im happy then i'll make another person happy. and if another person is happy then he/she will make another person happy. hahakz! get wat im trying to say? happiness is contagious! haha! hmm... i do cherish this hope that someday he'll come back to me. (i bet u guys are thinking "lini lini, will this gurl ever learn?!") yes i love him and he doesnt love me too but that doesnt mean i have to stop loving him. *sigh* this is so hard for me to do... lyke seeing the one u love loving someone else... but i guess its all part of life... im juz taking all this as something dat is helping me to grow up... this thingy has got me thinking... yeah i admit i didnt use to think back then... like i do everything on impulse... fauzan changed me into something i tot i'd neva be. into something i didnt noe i could be. and more then anything else in this world, i want to see him happy. of course it hurts wen im not part of his happiness. who am i trying to kid man?! its ok lini... everything's gonna be ok... somebody quick tell me its gonna be ok!!!! *sigh* aniwae, i juz feel like thanking everyone of u who cares abt me... thanks for caring... i lurve u guys alot! *huggies*

22th JunE 2004

2004-06-21T17:35:00.000-07:00

its like 8.36 am. and im awake? haha! apparently yes. so wat are my plans for today huh? that will be study, study and study! (ceh, since wen lini become so hard werking?! haha!) im thinking of going out and study but i cant really find a suitable place... does the library still have those stupid timings like wat time u can study and wat time u cant? i kinda feel there is... then where am i supposed to study?! dengz... if stay home surely got lotsa distractions... eventhough i cant use msn as well as frenster now, i still play the comp... grr! then there is the home phone... later i call ppl up... oh ya! i called suhaila up yesterday and she ask me to follow her go to tamp... like juz go out and chill... then i told her i wanna study then she say no need ar... -shakes head- suhaila suhaila... study lah gurl! haha! wen i want to study, she dun want to. when i dun want to, then she wants to. cant we juz study togeda?! haha! hmm... i might be getting tuition from ban's bro... i asked my mum and she's cool wit it but she hafta discuss it wit my dad first... i dun think she asked him yet... i must go remind her... hehez! it'll be on every friday evening... from 6-8... once a week only ar... hmmz... i'll be studying wit hafiz this thursday... if there is no unavoided circumstances that is... hopefully there aint ar... but i hafta sms him on wed nite to reconfirm ar... *yawn* kinda woke up at 7 this morning... must give someone morning call at 715... haha! semangat seh lini... but its cool ar... like waking somebody up... anyone of u want me to give u guys wake up call?! i'll do it!!! haha! i dunnoe why i like it so much... probably coz u will be their first thought in the morn... coz u woke them up wat... haha! lini lini... macam2 ar... niwae, me and suhaila were talking2 on the phone... then she asked me abt fauzan... i was like ok... can we not tok abt fauzan? she was like ok... then after dat like heck ar... juz talk abt fauzan... so yeah... blah blah blah... came to this question, ella asked "kau masih sayang fauzan ke?" and i freaking answered "nampak sah!" haha! didnt mean to answer like dat ar... like she ask then like to me like very obvious ar... no need to ask... confirm i will say yes i still love fauzan... i tot i made it clear that no matter wat fauzan does or wat fauzan says i'll still love him... then ella was like "lini! kau nie memang bodoh ar! asal kau masih sayang dier?!" then i juz laff ar... wat else can i say?! hahakz! that was one of the reasons why i didnt wanna talk abt fauzan to her... coz i noe she will definitely say dat... she and shahryl will confirm scold me like hell... but too bad ar guys, it has NO effect on me! haha! sorry ar... i noe u all like care for me, like dun want to see me upset and stuffs... but i cudnt be happier loving fauzan... i hope one day u'll come to understand my feelings for fauzan... *grinz* ok lah... guess dats all for today... hafta go bathe... get a light breakfast... start studying at home first... then go out later to the library or something... hope today will be a great day for me! wheeeeeeeeee!

[wHen yOu LovE sOmeOnE, iT DoesNt MeaN yOu HafTa bE wiTh HiM... sOmeTiMes juZ LoviNg HiM FrOm a DisTaNcE iS EnuFF...]

juZ FoR FauZaN...

2004-06-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

Atomic Kitten Lyrics
"Whole Again"

If you see me walking down the street, staring at the sky and dragging my two feet, you just pass me by,
It still makes me cry but you can make me whole again.

If you see with another man laughing and joking doin what i can, i won't put you down , cause i want you around, 'cos you can
make me whole again.

[chorus]
Looking back on when we first met, i can not escape and i can not forget, baby you're the one you
still turn me on, you can make me whole again.

Time is layin heavy on my heart seems i've got too much of it since we've been apart, my friends
make me smile if only for a while, you can make me whole again.

[chorus]

For now i'll have to wait, but baby if you change your mind don't be too late, 'cos i just can't
go on, its already been too long, but you can make me whole again.

wooooooooooooooooooooooo

[chorus x2]

ooh, baby you're the one, you still turn me on, but you can make me whole again.

MoRniNgz!

2004-06-20T18:56:00.000-07:00

hmmz... woke up early today... dunnoe why... probably coz today is fauzan's first day in poly... haha! wadehell has it got to do wit me... oh well, he's gonna be so freaking bz wit his life to bother abt me... nvm ar... its gonna happen sooner or later... dun think things will ever be the same again... kwang kwang kwang... aniwae, i guess i'll be studying today... if not somebody will kick my ass! haha! so fierce! aniwae, i dun think i'll be coming online anymore... coz once again, i got someone to control me... like keep it away from me... so yeah... study lini study! haha! but each time i wanna study, my mum surely will ask me to do stuffs for her... hope not ar... grr... at least not now... hmmz... guess im gonna ask hafiz to teach me one day within this week... hope he's free... hmmz... where is suhaila man?! didnt really talk much eversince she got back from her trip... probably tired i guess... hmmz... aisyah and shikin are away in KL... probably shopping huh... hope they get somethin for me! haha! hmmz... got to chat with afiq for awhile last nite... like so long seh he not online... but then i went offline without saying bye... so afiq, if u happen to read this, im sorry aight! hehez! *yawn* i might be getting back to sleep later... but im sure once i doze off then i wont get up and study... so i think betta bathe instead... haha! its amazing how i can feel betta instantly... i guess its wen me and fauzan agreed to be frens again, i felt betta rite away. *sigh* he still have that effect on me... oh well, i still love him. dun ask me why. love needs no reason. haha! wats wit me and all those werds of wisdom. ok lah... i guess this is it for today... will write in tml... hope everything turns out great for fauzan today..! may his first day in poly be awesome! err... hope he'll sms me or something tonite... haha! Lini lini... so full of hopes... haha! ok den... LiNi out~!!

[LovE NeeDs No wOrDs cOz EveN tHru tHe siLeNcE, LovE iS aLwayS HeaRd...]

HapPy DaDdy's DaY..!

2004-06-20T02:50:00.000-07:00

HapPy DaDdy's DaY..! my family have nothing planned for my dad today... but dunnoe if mebbe later suddenly want to eat outside... my family kinda unpredictable ar... hehez! my sis is at home for once... though she's irritating and stuffs, but i kinda miss having her around at home... she's forever outside and stuffs... go out neva bring me! basket! hehez! today has been ok for me so far... joke around wit my mum and sis... kinda cracked me up... haha! but my lil bro's are still as irritating as ever... each time i wanna make an entry, they'll be someone around the comp... sheesh... then it'd be hard for me to type... hate it when that happens... well nvm... now i can type in peace... so yeah... yesterday was pretty sucky and stuffs but i keep telling myself that tml will be a betta day... and that there are ppl out there who cares for me... i shudnt make them worry... so yeah... and raniah told me this quote "He wiLL LosE iF He ReFusE tO PuT mE FirsT"... dats like so cool... she got it from an alicia keys song... but cant remember wat title... hehez! and hudy said something like "u can be happy if u choose to be happy." so yeah, im choosing to be happy dats why i try to smile instead of cry. it doesnt mean dat i've forgotten abt fauzan. the truth is i still love him. yes he hurt me. but time will heal all wounds. so yeah. we must be strong. hehez! always look on the bright side of life... wheeee! hafta start studying soon... really really study... oh well, gtg now... my lil bro wanna play comp... so im outta here... lini out~!!

[wHeN i sMiLe, tHe wHoLe wOrLd sMiLes wiTh mE..! Be HaPpy LiNi..!]

For tHe oNe wHo MeaNs sO MucH tO mE; FauZaN

2004-06-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

wat have i done? wat did i do to deserve this? am i juz not good enuff for u? why do u want her back? was wat u told me back then all lies? wat did i do to deserve this? why must u ignore me? why? why? why? dun hurt me anymore fauzan... juz dun... i love u so much... i swear i do... i need u... i really do... im not asking u to come back to me... but juz dun ignore me... i cant take it... i juz cant... *sobz* no matter wat u do, no matter wat u say, no matter wat happens, no matter how much u hurt me, i'll still love u with all my heart and soul...

im so hurt!

2004-06-18T19:09:00.000-07:00

heyz... didnt write an entry yesterday. kinda went out the whole day. i didnt wanna go to the soccer match but somebody practically bug me to go. for wat i also dunnoe. to hurt me i guess. got to see fauzan. but sheesh... it hurts. cried the shit out of me rite there at pavillion. fark man. after dat went to sunplaza park and played the playground. so the tiring. quite ok lah. played blind cat. stupid man. i fell off the slide. not fair sia. make me so tired. fadzli's fault ar. haha! kk enuff of it... fauzan's ignoring me. i dunnoe wat i did. i swear it hurts. and when that person told me abt fauzan and stuffs. omigawd! it freaking hurt. like hey, guess im not good enuff for him. i need him. i called him up. and he hung up on me. he switched off his hp. oh man... i cudnt sleep last nite. my heart hurts like hell. i've never been hurt like this b4. my heart practically ache. i feel so weak. i was going crazy last nite. wanted to end my life sia. didnt want to live anymore. all sorts of ideas flood thru my mind. but im glad i made it thru the day. but im still hurt. and it wont go away. no1 understands. no1 cares. i hate it. i hate it all.

[iT HuRts tO sTay aWakE... i waNna bE NuMb oF aNy FeeLiNgs... i waNna sLeeP FoRevEr...]

FoR SoMeoNe i ThougHt waS wOrTh BeiNg FriEnDs wiTh; aZiZa

2004-06-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

alrite... this entry is juz for u aziza. i dun care if u read this anot but im juz going to say watever shit i have abt ya. lemme see... first of all, i dun want to be frens wit u anymore. why? ask urself. i noe its like immature and stuffs. like break frenship and stuffs but wadehell, i dun want to have anything to do with u anymore. i dun want to hear ur name, i dun want to see ur face, basically i juz want to erase u from my life. u hurt me ziza. and i dun think i'll ever forgive u. i've deleted u from msn and friendster but i cant delete u from hi5 coz there's something wrong wit my acc. so the least u can do now is delete me from it. i dun like u being called my fren coz i dun regard u as one. call me immature. call me bitch. watever. i dun care anymore. am i being unfair here? like it aint ur fault? well too bad to me it is. u do all the bitchy stuffs and im the one being called bitch. thankz alot ziza. remember the mya thingy? u're the one who added her at frenster, then at msn then call her up and stuffs. i didnt do no shit. u claimed u were doing all that for me. sheesh... and u're forever trying to make me hate this person lah wat lah. and the lina thingy, sheesh... it was kinda my fault and its rite of fauzan to be angry at me. i dun wanna scold lina and stuffs. but u made me add her to our convy and make her feel so bad. i apologised to her but i dun think she wanna accept it. i said no shit to her man. remember wat u asked me to sms to fauzan and stuffs? abt the lina thingy. u made me do all that. i dunnoe why i was so silly as to follow watever u said. make me sound like sucha bitch. but no ziza, ur the bitch. sheesh... why was i so dumb as to be frens wit u huh? ppl was like shocked when i said i was frens wit u. i juz ignored them. coz i tot u're worth it. tot u were nice. tot u understand me. tot u wudnt hurt me. but u did. and it'll neva go away. yes ziza, i noe u said no to fauzan. but hey, u think by saying no u wudnt hurt me. u knew how much i loved him. why must u pretend to help ziza? i didnt ask for it. nvm. i knew u went to the soccer match to see fauzan. i know u miss fauzan. as a fren or wat? i dun care. the fact is u do. put myself in ur shoes. how wud u feel if ex of the guy u love said she misses him? i juz added azhar at frenster and u were all shitty abt it. think lah ziza. dun do stuffs that u dun want to happen to urself. coz wat goes around comes around. guess thats all ar. thanks for screwing it all up. thanks for hurting me. thankz for acting lyke u cared. goodbye.

i need to get my feet back on the ground...

2004-06-16T19:38:00.000-07:00

okie dokie... here's my entry for today... sheesh... i think im gonna study later... coz i cant use my msn... i think its kinda working... like the onlie way for me to study is when i cant chat... its like i'd be freaking bored... hence, i'd study... but there's still frenster and stuffs... so fauzan, u noe wat to do... *winkz* hahakz! hmmz... suddenly thought of harith... i met him the other day when i passed the cd to him... it kinda felt weird seeing him again... he still look the same... still good lookin... hahakz! he asked me to follow him and his frens to play LAN games... weirdness! i used to follow them ar... but that was like back when we were togeda... i cant believe i actually went to play computer games with a bunch of guys... and actually had fun! haha! sheesh... i suddenly remembered syafiq telling me last time how harith and me were so similar... "its like u're the girl version of harith and harith is the guy version of you!" haha! dats wat he said... weird but cool... i was so comfy with him back then... now like so awkward... i dun even want to look into his eyes when we were talking the other day... like gosh... i dunnoe lah... its juz weird... *sigh* suddenly thought of fauzan... no lini no... dun think abt fauzan... *headache* err... ziza, i wud really appreciate it if u dun tok to fauzan abt me and stuffs... yes i noe u're just trying to help... its just that i dun want him to feel pressurized and stuffs... let him be ar... dun hafta tok to him for me... its nice of u to do so... but nah... i prefer u not doing it... aight... hope u understand... aniwae, ahmad shah smsed me last nite... he changed his number or something... i switched off my phone ar... i onlie read his smses this morning... he still remembers me!!! haha! tot he forgot abt me already... *sigh* u noe wat?! i actually had a betta sleep last nite... tried so hard not to cry... i kept telling myself tomorrow will be a betta day... go to sleep lini... keep saying it over and over again... and it kinda work... hafta comfort myself to sleep... how depressing... *sigh* wat was my purpose of writing the entry for fauzan huh? i've got no freaking idea... *sigh* i miss u fauzan... watcha doing now? wadehell ar lini... he's not even replying to ur smses... stop it sia... he doesnt give a shit abt u anymore lah... he doesnt love u anymore ar... he dont even miss u... he dont need you... get over it lah lini... *sobz* madness! toking to myself... haha! im so upset seeing myself sad... i juz looked into the mirror and i see myself staring back at me and its like why am i so upset... where were those days when i was so happy... *sigh* juz a lil bit of fauzan's love can make me happy... a lil bit... dats all im asking for... haiz... lini lini... hopeless ar... *heartache*

[How caN i juZ LeT yOu waLK aWay, Juz LeT yOu LEavE wiThouT a TracE..?]

sO ManY quEsTioNs BuT NoT a SingLe sOLuTioN,,,

2004-06-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

heyz... its me... its like 11 at nite and im using the comp juz for this entry... cant sleep lah... so tired... cried the shit outta me... was holding it back the whole day... but when i went to the toilet to shower, it juz flowed out... sheesh... i cried real hard man... like all those feelings inside me... juz let it all out... cried too loudly... haha! got such thing anot ar? but then i cried lyke i never did before... guess im really upset ar... *sigh* i really hope i can get to sleep tonite... usually i wud bring my hp to sleep wit me... but tonite, i guess i'll juz leave it in my cupboard... i even switched it off... why?! coz i noe fauzan aint gonna reply... so yeah... betta for me to think that he replied and its juz me who didnt check my phone, than knowing dat he really didnt reply at all... i kept staring at the phone... waiting for his sms... felt so useless... like all i could is wait... well nobody asked me to wait... but yeah... some things are juz difficult to explain... *sigh* i guess the only person who understands how i feel is sulaiman... mebbe coz he's going thru the same thing as me... he's feeling watever im feeling... kinda felt slightly betta knowing that this kinda stuffs do happen to other ppl too... *sigh* feeling sorry for myself... aisyah said some stuffs to me earlier this morning... which i agree, made sense... but then aisyah, i dun think u understand how i feel now... its easy for u all to say take it ez ar, move on ar, find a new one lah... but cant u guys see how hard it is for me to do so... i noe its over... and i also noe dat he'll most probably never come back... if only i knew, the way back to fauzan's heart... *sobz* im juz in denial ar... juz living in a fantasy of me and him... i make believe that he's gonna come back to me... make believe that he still loves me even a bit... make believe that everything's alrite... well, nothing is alrite... but in my fantasy world, it is... lemme live in my own fantasy world aight... i'll snap back to reality when im ready... *sigh* why do we have to conceal how we really feel? why do we hafta pretend we're ok when we noe we're not? why do i have to smile when deep down its tearing me apart? why do i hafta be me? who am i? wat do i want? why am i breathing? when will i truly be happy again? when will stop loving fauzan? can i stop loving fauzan? why cant i be the one for fauzan? why cant i make fauzan happy? why cant fauzan love me the way i love him? why cant i turn back time to make him mine?

[iF i WasnT sucHa FooL, RighT nOw i'D bE HoLdiNg yOu...]

ReaD tHis FauZaN!!!!

2004-06-15T19:04:00.000-07:00

fauzan, it really hurts when u said u dun love me anymore... coz i love u so much... more than anything else in this werld... i noe u cant force someone to love u... but u cant stop someone from loving you either... i noe u dun want me to wait for u... i noe u want me to move on... i noe u want me to forget you... i noe... and honestly, i wish i could... but hey, who am i trying to kid... i did try to do so fauzan.. i did... u said mebbe i didnt try hard enuff... i tried fauzan... i did try to like that sheikh umar guy... well if u still remember who he is... i doubt so though... i went out with him but when im with him all i can think abt is you... like if only i was doing this with fauzan.. if only fauzan this fauzan that... *sigh* that was when i realised dat the only one i want to be with is you... yes i noe u dun feel the same way... *sigh* i really felt like sleeping forever last nite... like to sleep and never wake up and go thru life without u... i love u fauzan... and im never gonna get over you getting over me... i'll always pray that u'll come back to me one day... i need u... i guess i really need you... i'll try to move on... but i noe for sure, its you im gonna run back to...

[sOmeTimEs tHe ThiNgs tHaT bRiNg yOu Joy wiLL eVeNtuaLLy HuRt yOu iN tHe End... aNd yOu caNt heLp iT buT tO comE Back tO iT tiMe aNd TiMe aGaiN...]

wat the...

2004-06-15T18:32:00.000-07:00

i cudnt get to sleep last nite... been crying... why? the most obvious reason. fauzan. fauzan again? yes. fauzan again! haha! crazy already ar... got ignored again... why does he always hafta do that when he's pissed?! sheesh... hate it when he ignores me... well, who likes being ignored rite... some more by the one u love... dat soo hurts! felt freaking alone last nite... like seriously no1 to tok to... everyone's like bz with their own life to bother abt mine... *sigh* once again, i almost lost control of myself... almost did something stupid again... but i kinda promised my beshfwen i wudnt do it again... so yeah... the promise was the only thing stopping me from doing it... cud have juz broken it since promises were meant to be broken... but nah... juz like i promised fauzan i wudnt smoke anymore... i dun smoke anymore... but does he cares? nope... no1 cares... then why shud i care? *sigh* pls juz dun play with me... my paper heart will bleed... lalalala~ well, kinda listening to it rite now... sheesh... its making me cry... so emo ar me... hahakz! i feel like going to the beach... but who to go with..? no1... *sigh* sheesh! can u get outta my head fauzan?! feel like writing an entry meant for fauzan onlie... well, i think i shud... it'll probably make me feel betta... so yeah...

[iM TwisTed cOz oNe siDe oF mE iS TeLLiNg mE daT i NeEd tO MovE oN, oN tHe oTheR siDe, i WaNna bReaK dOwN aNd cRy...]

SonG DedicaTed tO FauZaN...

2004-06-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

Avril Lavigne Lyrics
"Slipped Away"

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Na na la la la na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The say you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...

Nah nah, nah nah nah, nah nah
I miss you

sonG aBouT mE... sigh

2004-06-14T21:30:00.000-07:00

Avril Lavigne Lyrics

"Nobody's Home"

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

unspoken words.

2004-06-14T17:06:00.000-07:00

*yawn* im up early... its only 8 in the morn and here i am... cant really sleep... darn! oh well... came back at 9 something yesterday... i actually went to the freaking match... kwang kwang kwang... but i came during the second half... which was around 6 like dat... hmmz... saw sabreena at the interchange while i was making my way to the field... gave her a hug... felt good to see her around... asked her to come along but she was in her sch uniform... so yeah... i went there alone... met hudy and her fwens... ok lah... not so bad... lemme see if i still remember their names... hmmz... i think its shaz, amila and juli... i think so... hehez! well two of them were from the same pri sch as sabreena... see lah abeen! if u follow me then can get to see them rite?! dengz... hehez! hmmz... kinda felt awkward there coz like i dun really noe anybody there... so yeah... i juz kept quiet and watched the match... lini? quiet? hahakz! yes i was... normal lah... dun have ur frens around so u juz shuddup lah... any of u wud have done that rite? hehez! sheesh... i dunnoe if i shud have went yesterday... kinda regretted coming... i mean like for wat sia go there... *sigh* i noe if i went yesterday i'll definitely get a scolding from my parents... but i juz went ahead... coz i really wanted to see fauzan... i dun care wat happens next... i juz wanna see him... sheesh... how i wish he was nicer... but he kinda made me upset... fauzan, i agree wit ya... its betta for me to stay home and be happy then meet you and get upset... *sigh* but u're lyke two different person when u're smsing me and when im actually meeting u for real... i prefer the sweeter one of course... the one in the smses... where is dat fauzan huh? *sigh* i love u fauzan. i swear i do. and im really sorry for everything. i noe u dun think i am and i dunnoe how to show u how sorry i am. well i guess only time will tell. u wanna noe why i dun want to stop hugging u last nite? well, it was coz i was scared. i knew i was gonna get hell from my dad when i return home. i was so scared but i dunnoe why i juz cudnt tell u how scared i was. i was feeling weak too. i was scared and weak and i needed to find my strength in you. but u dunnoe. *sobz* why do i always cry? well its cause i can do nothing besides crying... u want me to be strong and hold back my tears? thats lyke trying to tell the sky not to rain when the clouds are grey...(does it make sense?! haha! anyhow only ar... :p) aniwae, im not strong enuff to do that... but i'll try... i noe i shud stop crying... i noe im overly sensitive... but fauzan, u can get insensitive at times too... but nvm... i have no rite to tell u dat rite... i am NOBODY to u rite... omigawd... this is all wrong... it sounds like a letter to fauzan... hehez! oopsy! oh well, thats wat i really wanted to say but juz cudnt say it out... aniwae, fauzan got real sick b4 he left... i wanted to send him home but then i dun think he'd like that... but he was so sick and i didnt want to leave him like dat... so im kinda worried now... i really hope he's feeling way way betta now... sheesh... i wanna see him again... but i guess he's too sick to come over... im so sad!!! somebody pls cheer me up!!!! *sigh* hmmz... amazingly, i didnt get beaten by my dad last nite... i was like prepared to die... but then instead of beating, he talked... why cudnt he have done dat earlier?! sheesh... and he asked me wat i wanted... he was like "ape lini nak?" i juz kept quiet... i almost blurted out "lini nak fauzan." sheesh... luckily never say sia... im like so crazy! *shakes head* omigawd! im like supposed to burn cd for harith... i forgot!!! he wants it by today at 4... gotta burn it now... sheesh... harith is so weird... always sms me out of the blue... like the other time he got admitted to the hospital and he was like telling me... and like suddenly say he kinda miss me... wadehell man... but he was nice man... kinda treated me like a princess... but i guess i overlooked it... took him for granted... and poof! he's gone... hahakz! tot i wud never get over him... amazingly i did. so dats why i keep telling myself if i can get over harith, i can get over anything. but why cannot get over fauzan?! darn! guess i love fauzan more than i have ever loved any of my ex... *sigh* get well soon baby! wish i cud be there to take care of u! i dunnoe why but i love u. now. always. forever.

[i wanT yOu BacK iN My LiFe, DaTs aLL iM bReaThiNg FoR.]

shud i? or shudnt i?

2004-06-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

hmmz... im like deciding whether to go watch the soceer match... shud i go watch my baby zanzan play soccer? hmmz... its at 5... lyke so late... but im bored... *sigh* but then go with hudy only... then got her frens... later lyke awkward ar since i dunnoe her frens... hudy said they are super frenly... but im super shy... hahakz! lyke real onlie lini super shy... okok... not super shy... but kinda shy wat... really! why nobody believe me when i say i can get shy at times?! madness! hmmz... my mummy went to geylang with my auntie... dunnoe for wat also... but then good ar... at least she's off my back... not bugging me... hahakz! but then still got my lil bro, who is kinda bugging me now... wanna play the comp lah wat lahz... irritating sia... but then again, i've been on the comp for 3 hours or so... guess its time i got off the comp... but im waiting for my baby to reply to my sms... wats taking him so long? make me wait by the hp onlie eh... *sigh* im like using the websms to sms him... coz my credit getting lower... so yeah... budget ar... use the thingy... kwang kwang kwang... *waiting* baby!!! why so long then reply?! hehez! im going crazy!!! its almost 3 and i havent had lunch... not even breakfast... so basically, im typing this entry on an empty stomach... sheesh... shud go to the kitchen and find something to eat... but i doubt there's anything i can find there...*sigh* foooooood! i want fooooooood! *starving* hehez! sheesh... there's no1 i can chat wit at msn... so boring! im hungry and im bored! and im missing my baby!!!!

[i NoE tHaT hE LoveS mE cOz hE ToLd mE sO...]

hmmz...

2004-06-13T23:38:00.001-07:00

I hate it when you make me cry...
You make me feel like i could die...
It makes me sad when we're apart...
Even more though when you break my heart...
It isn't fair, i deserve more...
Than see you walk out the door...
I wish that love wasnt blind,
So that love is what you see...
But then i remember... you're you...
Fauzan, it's you,
the one that always make me cry,
It's you,
the one that makes me hope to die,
i don't think i can get over you,
i don't think i ever will,
But it's you,
the one who will forever hold my heart,
no matter how bad you make me feel!

nice?!

2004-06-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

Pain is a 4 letter word i never understood.
I never understood untill you said it was over for good.
It is a feeling that runs so deep.
All i can do is sit here and weep.
I messed up everything...
I know its true.
But if i have to feel pain,
i'd do it only for yOu...

kwang kwang kwang

2004-06-13T04:06:00.000-07:00

grr! im like so annoyed at my dad! like irritating ar... i was on the phone wit shikin juz now then when i hung up coz i wanted to play the comp he was like u use the phone already then no need to use the comp lah... like wadefuck lah... his precious sons have been using it from just now and i juz touch the comp for a moment then noisy already... big fuck lahz... aaaarrrrrggghhh!!! nvm... must have patience... oh well... kinda missing fauzan... *sigh* and he's bz playing game!!! basket! hehez! sheesh... im so pissed at my lil bros... both of them.... always trying to get me into trouble... grr! *sigh* im gonna watch tv later... bend it like beckham... hope its nice... dat way it'll take up some of my time... boring man! hope fauzan will sms me later... sheesh! i shudnt be hoping! coz without hope, there'll be no disappointment... later he neva sms, then i'll be freaking upset... so betta not hope for anything... hehez! wat onlie ar lini... i love u fauzan!!! i really do!!! no matter wat happens or wat ppl say, i'll love u with all my heart and soul... wheeeeeeee! seth... out of all the names, shikin picked that name for zul... wadehell man kin! no fair! u get nice names!!!! *giggles*

[i HaTe mY DaD!!!! GeT tHe FucK ouTTa My LiFe..! yOu SucK!!!]

wHeEeEe..!

2004-06-12T03:06:00.000-07:00

hmmz... its saturday and here i am... stuck at home! *sigh* but nvm ar... at least i went out yesterday... kinda had fun... sooooo long never see aisyah... so it was kinda cool seeing her around... but then too bad ar, i got home then got a scolding from parents... kwang kwang kwang... its more of a beating from my dad... then i was freaking upset man... then suddenly felt lonely... luckily got fauzan... so sweet of him to keep me company till 1 am... but i didnt really sleep well, since my leg was in pain... so yeah... i love u fauzan! thankz for being there for me! *muackz* hmmz... i dunnoe wat else to write in here... each time i lie down, i feel like writing in but wen i actually switched on the comp then got nothing to write already.... kwang kwang kwang... *sigh* have i changed? am i not the same? where did the old lini go to? (shikin, did u take it?! hehez!) why am i so weak now? *sigh* why do i want fauzan back so badly? why do i love fauzan and only fauzan? why cant i help feeling sorry for myself? sheesh... shudnt be thinking of all this... oh well, im happy for my two bestfrens!!! shikin and fadzli... kwang kwang kwang... no! they are not togeda... but they found someone they truly love... im so happy for them! shikin found zul... and fadzli found *ahem*... so yeah... may they be happy togeda!!!! lurve my beshfwens! hehez! now im like chatting with sulaiman and nufail!!! so long never see them!!! miss them alot!!! *huggies* oh ya, yesterday i saw maisarah! gosh! she's so pwetty... i love wat she wore! wish i could get outta my house wearing that!!!! *sigh* she's so gorgegous! hehez! ok la... been on the comp for hours now... can tell that my mum getting pissed... so before anything happens, i betta get off the comp... i lurve fauzan soooo much! *kissy*

[yOu wEre EvEryThiNg, EveRyThiNg ThaT i WanTed. We weRe MeanT tO bE, SuPpoSeD tO bE, BuT wE LosT iT.]

LaLaLa~

2004-06-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

hmmz... im kinda burning cds for ella now... after this my lil bro wanna use... *sigh* i hate the june holidays... irritating lil bros forever at home... grr! cant really use much of the comp... damn im bored! i kinda feel like going out but then my mum said i've been going out too much... well kinda true ar... three freaking days in a row... sheesh... but wat was i supposed to do?! im bored! i dunnoe why but i kinda feel upset now... probably coz of fauzan's sms... well he said he will always be there for me... *sigh* its like he cant be there with me me but he can be there for me... mebbe some of u dun understand wat im trying to say but oh well... its making me real upset... i noe its over and all that but i dunnoe... its juz so hard to let go... oh man! im so trying hard not to cry... darn! i am nobody to fauzan... *sobz* it hurts... aaarrrrgggghhh!! stupid mum! nagging and nagging! hate my life!

sigh

2004-06-09T05:54:00.000-07:00

mE aGaiN..! kinda feeling tired... went out at 4 with ella juz now... like boring and my mum wasnt home so yeah... went out without her knowledge... went to bugis and tamp... then went to our place there to have dinner... ok lah... quite fun... beats staying at home... so now im like sleepy sleepy... hehez! ella bought for me this cute pink purse! thanks ella! lurve ya! hehez! sheesh... kinda missing fauzan... darn! ella ella... dunnoe why she doesnt like the fact that im still head over heels in love with fauzan... *sigh* doesnt matter lahz... im still gonna love him anyway... i can tell ppl that i have moved on... i can pretend... but i dun want to... coz i dun see a point in that... why lie abt it? it'll only make me feel worst... i love fauzan and thats a fact. nothing's gonna change it.

LeTs gEt sTaRtEd,,,

2004-06-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

heyz..! my first time writing in... hehez! so new to this stuffs!!! first of all, i would like to say thankz to aziza!!! thanks for helping me do this template thingy... cudnt have done it without u!!! LuRvE ya Ziza!!!! *huggies* oh well, im up real early... at abt 7... dun ask me why... i dunnoe... hehez! then i washed up and as usual switched on the comp... since my lil bro is sound asleep, i scanned some pics that i recently developed... so yeah, i have new pics to put up at frenster, hi5 and at my display pic... hehez! been going out quite often lately... went out on monday to bedok... ate buddy meal wit ella... one buddy meal! hehez! ella's treat... then develope the photos i took on saturday as well as the ones i took with fauzan... at first i tot i dun have sufficient cash to collect the pics... but phew~!! luckily enuff... had to borrow $20 from ella though... sheesh... i hope i can pay it back soon... *sigh* i juz topped up my hp on saturday and the credit's getting lower as time goes by... shitto! my lil bro asked me where i get the cash to top up my hp... i was like err... got lahz... bzbody ar he... thankz to shaik i get to use my hp monthly... or else i'll have a useless hp... shaik's so nice rite?! hehez! u noe wat?! my mum juz got back and she's screaming like hell!!!! grr! so irritating! she's pissed coz i didnt make tea for her! im in deep shit! didnt noe she was gonna be back so soon... and she was like everytime say go to the shop then never come back... come back late only... where u go ar?! oopsy! for the past two days, i told her i went to the shop nearby... but then i went to bedok on monday and even to shikin's house to chill and stuffs... then on tuesday which was yesterday, i went to bedok to eat long john silver and after that went to play pool for a while at valley there... sheesh... didnt get scolding for two days... so great! hahakz! daddy didnt noe abt it though... if he noes, im dead meat... hehez! gosh! im missing fauzan!!! i love him alot u noe! if only i can have him back... *sigh*

>>>tHiS iS mE<<<

juZ FoR yOu~!!

iTs mE~!!

So HaPpY TogEda~!!

aww... so sweet kan?

urmz...

oMg~!! sO LonG nEva uPdaTE!!!

here i go scream my lungs out and try to get to u~!!

phew. im finally updating.

a brief update.

yOu duNnoE mE...

wadehell...

lalalala~

muaahaha.....wohooo!

i love how u can tell all the pieces of me...

still coughin. bluek!

i want to eat~!!

finally im updating...

thanks for acting lyke u cared.

wheeeeeee!

still sick~

i swear im ryte. swear i knew it all along.

*coughs*

i like this thingy~!!

i dunnoe...

*sigh*

TrY tHis~!!

ZzZzZzZz~

whEeEeEe~!! waT a Day... *grinz*

im loving angels instead~

so wont u kill me?

sigh.

cHecK tHis ouT~!!

Love.

sHiReEn~!!

LaLaLa~

.....

*thinks*

hmm...

today...

My LovE FoR yOu wiLL Neva EnD...

Back tHen...

waSsuP wiT mE?!

My bEsTFreN wHo LighTs uP My LiFe; FaDzLi!

*Boo*

*sobz*

i Carry a smile wen im broken in two...

uPdaTes~!!

DowN aNd ouT~!!

HiGgLeDy-piGgLeDy~!! it does not have anything to do wit pigs! hehez!

ShuDDup! juZ ShuDduP sHuDduP!

sOmEbOdy SavE mE..!

err...

oMiGaWd..! iM sO sCaReD..!

*blank*

ReaD..! ReaD..! ReaD..!

*thinking*

ShEesH...

cHecK ThiS sOnG ouT~!!

im hungry~!!

hmm...

22th JunE 2004

juZ FoR FauZaN...

MoRniNgz!

HapPy DaDdy's DaY..!

For tHe oNe wHo MeaNs sO MucH tO mE; FauZaN

im so hurt!

FoR SoMeoNe i ThougHt waS wOrTh BeiNg FriEnDs wiTh; aZiZa

i need to get my feet back on the ground...

sO ManY quEsTioNs BuT NoT a SingLe sOLuTioN,,,

ReaD tHis FauZaN!!!!

wat the...

SonG DedicaTed tO FauZaN...

sonG aBouT mE... *sigh*

unspoken words.

shud i? or shudnt i?

hmmz...

nice?!

kwang kwang kwang

wHeEeEe..!

coughs

sigh

whEeEeEe~!! waT a Day... grinz

thinks

Boo

sobz

blank

thinking

sonG aBouT mE... sigh

sigh